Unprecedented times

I speak often about the power of words, and recently had this lovely list of words people used to describe me visually brought to life by Sara Hoyles.

I hope you’ll agree they’re a gorgeous list and one I’m very proud of.

Today I want to write about the power of the words we're using to positively or negatively impact our mindset and ultimately our immune system.

Unprecedented times or strange, interesting, challenging or difficult times?

Words have power, and now more than ever some words are going to impact our mind and emotions more than others.

It’s not about burying our heads in the sand and ignoring what’s going on - and yes I can do that!

It is however about noticing the impact certain words are having on our mind and body.

Some words will increase our stress, the jitters, the floundering, panic and not knowing what to do - acting like a drain on our immune systems.

Other words will increase wellbeing, calm, confidence, and the inner knowing what to do - boosting our immune system.

What word triggers us will be unique as we are - some may find “challenging times” motivating and inspiring, and yet others may find them debilitating.

We can’t stop the media or others using these words but once we become aware of the words that trigger our negative thinking we can make a choice to choose more resourceful ones in our own thinking and speaking.

What words can you use less or more often to give your immune system some support?

No pain, No gain

Words have power.

Words have such power, that unconsciously they’re informing our thoughts, feelings and actions in every moment – positively and negatively.

The words and sayings we use can often become a whole universe in their own right – with their own laws of gravity, relativity, and even black holes and worm holes we can get sucked into and lost within. These universes are of our own making, with immutable and often unconscious laws that may bear no relation to how the world really works. Yet they impact our actions, and therefore the outcomes we achieve.

The key is bringing unhelpful words and sayings, and their accompanying laws, into our conscious awareness so that they may be weakened of their power in our lives.

Today's LinkedIn article explores No pain, No gain.

Do get in touch if you’d be interested in a personal, team or organisational audit of the universe of words that might be limiting your progress and success. More traditional coaching and facilitation using a range of conventional and unconventional tools is also available.

Sayings getting in the way of success, that have been covered by previous posts, include: Juggling balls or spinning plates, life got in the way, treading water, needing to be on the same page as others, turning over a new leaf, testing the water and even following our dreams. (Other universes that we can get stuck within include the words we use to describe our roles – more here.)

Landscaping Your Life and turning a corner

Over on my Landscaping Your Life blog I revisit this corner on a local beach, and explore how turning a corner in nature might just help provide a different perspective and insight to a challenge/niggle/frustration you're facing.

Alison Smith
Using unconventional tools to get you back on track.

Purchasing Coach: Advent Window 3: Words

25 unconventional coaching and facilitation tools to surprise and delight

Window 3: Words (because they have power)

Level of unconventionalness out of 10 = 3 (because it's harder to do than we think)

Benefits: Ensuring that your words don't have a negative or unintended impact on yourself or your readers/listeners. Improved motivation, communication, relationships, influence. Reduced conflict and misunderstanding.

Uses: Any and all communication, and motivating yourself.

Participants: Everyone

========================

Process to use for yourself:

• Notice when you're not motivated or even demotivated about doing something.
• Consider the words you're using to describe the current situation, the solution or the desired outcome.
• Brainstorm alternate words and explore words that might inspire action or provide an alternate more positive reaction.
• Replace the unresourceful word with the more resourceful one (this more work-like post on exchanging 'solutions' with 'answers' may shed some light too).
• Notice what you notice. 

Festive Example:

Wishing people a 'Merry Christmas' might not feel right for you for a variety of reasons. Which may result in people picking up you're not really very sincere when you say it.

To find a more sincere alternative:

• The first option is to swap out the word merry. Words might include happy, sparkly, great, splendid, fabulous, awesome, special, cosy, dreamy, festive, productive, social, restful and so on. (I sometimes say "wishing you the Christmas you'd wish for"). 
• Play around with these words and notice the impact each has on your ability to say them and mean it.
• The second option is to swap out the word Christmas. Words might include holiday, break, festive break, time with your family, and so on.
• The third option is to swap them both around.     

When I was 'playing' around with some letters I discovered that on it's own GREAT felt - well great. until I read it out loud:

and yet once I exchanged great with FABULOUS that was simply fab!

What words do you use that just don't resonate for you, and how might they be changed to make it a more enjoyable exchange for you and the other person?

Wishing you all a fabulous festive break when it comes.


Alison Smith

Unlocking procurement potential - using conventional and unconventional tools
Procurement and Business Speaker, Coach, Trainer, & Facilitator
alison@alisonsmith.eu +44 (0)7770 538159

Earlier in the year I applied some of the unconventional tools shared in this series of advent posts to common procurement challenges - more here.

How is 'maverick' spend setting you back?

Words have power and in this post originaly written for Future Purchasing I explore the negative and unintended consequence using the word 'Maverick' has on our relationship with the very people we're describing as such.

I love exploring the power of words to unlock potential and ideas, and their ability to lock it out too. Other posts written on the subject include:

• Are they answers or solutions because using one of these may help you find what you're looking for when using the other won't! 
• Is defining it as a problem the real problem? 
• How do you spell CAN'T? ..... wont
• The language of change and transformation
• What's in a word - procurement 
• No pain no gain 

Testing the Water

I've just written a blog over on my Landscaping Your Life blog that you might like - it's about the insights to be gleaned from testing the water whilst Open Water Swimming that can be applied to any situation we find ourselves in where we're wanting / needing to test the water first.

What should you call your soft skills?

At the CIPS East of Scotland branch meeting last week I gave a talk on Soft Skills - skills that for example include motivation, communication, influencing, change management, decision making, time management and so on (more on what I spoke about here).

One of the subjects we touched on was the use of 'soft' skills as the term used to describe these essential skills.

I've ranted before that soft skills aren't something that only those in touch with their emotions have. They're something we all have, and use daily. Soft skills are how we do what we do, and their effective use will make a huge impact on the outcome we get.

When I asked about the use of the word 'soft' last week, people suggested the term conveyed that they were unimportant or weak skills.

You only have to look at the power of water ie something seemingly very soft to realise that soft shouldn't mean weak nor unimportant.

It still raises the question about whether we should give these skills a different name? What about:

• People skills
• Emotional Intelligence 
• Behavioural skills
• Essential skills
• Social skills
• Humanity skills 

I suspect however, that we end up with the same issue. Perhaps it's not 'soft' that generates the belief that they're unimportant, it's that they're unconscious, below the surface, and linked to our emotions and our humanity that makes them scary, and something therefore to be ignored or avoided. (Perhaps time to let go of the musts, oughts and shoulds about what is and isn't appropriate in business?) 

With that in mind, we can call them what we want and people are still going to resist exploring them.

One solution might be to link the skills to the outcome they help you achieve, for example why not call them:

• The skills that get you the job
• The skills that get you through your day
• The skills that help you prepare for your retirement!
• The skills that mean you can afford to go on fabulous holidays 
• The skills that help you cope with people in your life 
• The skills that add meaning to your day
• The skills that keep the roof over your head
• The skills that get you out of bed every day
• The skills that help you decide what to to
• The skills that keep you out of danger (or try to)
• The skills that help you open your mouth and say what you want to say when you want to say it
• The skills that help you change a boring day into an exciting one
• and so on

My recommendation therefore is to find a term that makes most sense for you personally. A term for the skills that will inspire your action to review your current competency of a skill, and also inspire action to develop the skill further too.  

What will you call these very essential skills that support your humanity?

Alison Smith
Unlocking personal, procurement and organisational potential using unconventional tools
alison@alisonsmith.eu +44(0)7770 538159

I've developed a Soft Skills Toolkit. The aim of the toolkit is to provide discussion points for personal or group exploration of your soft skills, allowing you to understand what options you have, should you decide to develop a particular soft skill.

There's 2 versions of the toolkit - Dear Procurement, with love from your soft skills aimed at procurement professionals, and Dear Human Being, with love from your soft skills aimed at a wider business audience. They're only £4.99 for personal use, with pricing available on request for organisational use.

No one is a 100% brick wall

post now moved to my new website

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Unlocking personal, procurement and organisational potential using unconventional tools 

Hypertext links take you to posts on the subject highlighted.

Are Procurement the bad cops?

Post has moved to my new website

Feeling lost?

"I just feel very lost" said a coachee during a coaching session.

At the time I suspected if we spent too much time discussing the real life situation that they'd stay well and truly lost. That is, all the reasons they couldn't see a way out of the current situation would just be discussed in more detail - as if to compound and reinforce them feeling lost.

Consider feeling lost for a moment - what happens to your body, your emotions and your thoughts? For many flight or flight might kick in with the accompanying disconnection from the part of their brain that might be able to help find a solution, and get out of the situation.

It's why I use metaphor to help people get unstuck so much - because it's a great means of bypassing the blocks we have to finding a solution. (Or perhaps its the answer we're looking for, or resolution, which is a another topic and post altogether.)     

With the belief that the language we use to describe being stuck is also the solution I asked:

 "Where are you lost - is it in a wood, a maze, a city or somewhere else entirely?"   

In response to their initial look of confusion I explained.

"If you were to describe the feeling of being lost - metaphorically is it more like being lost in a wood, a maze or somewhere else? That is, put the current situation to one side for a moment, and just concentrate on the words 'being lost' " 

Having written and explored 'not being able to see the wood for the trees' frequently and deeply I was hoping 'in a wood' might be their answer.

"In a maze" they relied.

"Could you draw the maze" I asked?

"Yes" they said, and promptly drew the maze for me.

Just to clarify - if you're not lost, and not lost in a maze you may wonder what on earth I'm talking about. What's important is that the person using the words can identify with them. Even to them it may feel weird, sound weird and look weird, but a part of them that is identifying with feeling lost in a maze is able to say "I feel like I'm lost in a maze" and answer my questions. In the same way that someone who describes 'going around in circles' can draw the circles (and I've had some great successes with that one as you'll see if you follow the link to the post on the subject")! 

How the situation, that you're feeling like you're lost in a maze about, is resolved will be unique for each individual. 

Some may need to go to a real maze and find a way out of it.

Others may want to just envisage in their mind being in the maze and turning left and right. 

Others may find drawing the map is enough. 

In this case I simply asked them to find a route out of the maze using their finger as a guide. Having first asked them to give the feeling of being lost a score of out 10. 

"9" was the reply.

Having got out of the maze once I asked if the score had changed 

"Slightly" 

I just asked them to repeatedly get out of the maze. The first few times they got lost and had to turn around but after 9 or 10 turns they were able to go to the centre of the maze and get out immediately.

"3 or 4" was the eventual response.

After exploring the metaphorical maze I then asked them to consider the real life situation they'd previously described as being lost in a maze about. 

"Oh I just need to do x, yes that feels much better" and we developed an action plan, that at the start of the session had been eluding them. Which brought the score down further. 

I suspect following the action plan agreed would have eventually brought the lost score down to 0. 

How might your language be giving you a clue to where the answer might metaphorical be found? I've also written about being stuck in a rut, being up a creek without a paddle and the impact of believing no pain no gain. 

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach

Using unconventional tools to unlock procurement potential

Put the hammer down

Over the last few weeks whilst out for a walk I've been finding nails on the pavement. 

I'd pick them up and put them in the nearest rubbish bin, and then a few days later find another one and do the same. It's still a mystery where they're coming from.

One day I'd just picked a nail off the pavement, and thought I saw another one - until I realised my error - as it was just a twig!

It reminded me of the saying  

When you've got a hammer everything looks like a nail.

Its easily done - and may be the reason for a current situation you're feeling very stuck about?

When we're seemingly going around in circles, or stuck in a rut, or getting the same unwanted results, you may want to check you're not just walking around with a hammer in your hand!

The metaphorical hammers in our lives might be as a result of:

• Being too comfortable in our comfort zones. The best means I've found for getting out of mine is to do something different everyday. Although I did enjoy exploring what impact a comfort universe might have last year! 
• Making assumptions that everyone is just like us - and using what we see as evidence to support that - even though when we're seeing a nail it's really a twig!
• Forgetting that we only know a very small percentage of the facts and data and do need to ensure we get as wide a perspective as possible.  
• Being stuck in a rut of just doing the same thing over and over. One unconventional means of getting out of a rut is to go and find a real one ... as you'll see here 

• Expecting different results from doing the same thing
• Blaming others 
• Getting stuck in a role or pattern of behaviour with another person   
• and so on (I'd love to know your suggestions for hammers we carry in our lives - work or personal)

Where in your life might you be rigidly holding onto the hammer, and what do you need to do to put the hammer down?

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach 
Unlocking procurement potential 

Should we change Meeting's name?

Did you hear about Pavlov? He was researching salivation in dogs (as you do), and realised that, when he entered the room to feed them, and then later when he just rang a bell, the dogs salivated. That is they had an unconditioned response that meant seeing him (or hearing the ring of the bell) meant they automatically salivated without food being anywhere in sight (stimulus - response).

We do this all the time - it's what any phobia is based upon - there may be no logical reason to fear most household spiders in the UK but the person with a spider phobia over team has learnt an unconditioned response to feel fear when they see a spider, or perhaps the stimulus has to be the spider moving in order to illicit the response of fear.

Many of our bad habits continue as a result of such unconscious stimulus/responses:

• We feel a particular emotion, and automatically, and every time we feel it, we start eating chocolates
• We sit down to eat our tea, and automatically, and every time, turn the TV on
• We go to the cinema, and automatically, and every time order an extra large bag of popcorn too 
• We go to the gym, and automatically, and every time, go the pub straight after

It's the automatic, unconscious aspect to the response that points to it being unconditioned behaviour.

We also have unconditioned responses to people and places - we only have to hear their name or see their picture and will respond either positively or negatively. We didn't have to replay an event or think about the person consciously. Our stimulus response meant that unconsciously our body reacted to the image in a particular way - as it would every time it saw a picture of them.

In NLP terminology this process of stimulus/response is called anchoring, because we've anchored a particular response to a particular stimulus.

I wonder is that what we're now doing when we hear the word 'Meeting'.  

Over time what response have we built up unconsciously and automatically to the word 'meeting'. or perhaps it's the response we have to the sight of meeting room, or the response we have to certain people's meetings?

As with anything, if you're happy with your or others response to the meetings you hold, then there's no need to change anything.

The challenge comes when you know your meetings are not meeting expectations.

I read a post from Bernard Marr entitled Stop going to Bad meetings which provided some tips on how to improve the meetings you do attend. Subsequent comments have provided other suggestions - including my own to have a walking meeting.

I wonder however, what happens if we consider Pavlovian conditioning and apply it to meetings. What could we be doing that means we're generating an unconscious and automatic negative response from our attendees?

• Calling it a 'meeting' may be enough to generate a negative response - the association over time between the word and death by powerpoint and boredom etc. In which case could you call it something else?
• Similarly using the word 'agenda' may be enough to generate negative response in others.
• Starting on the hour, and lasting an hour links it to other meetings people have attended - it's not highlighting it as a meeting with a difference, it's telling everyone's unconscious what to expect - a meeting that's just like every other meeting you've attended. Which, depending on the culture and success of meetings at your organisation, is either a good thing or not!
• Starting the meeting with the most boring, lengthy and least interactive topic. "It can only get better" isn't a great thought you want your attendees thinking at the start of a meeting.

The aim for those leading meetings is not to allow the anchor to previous useless / time wasting meetings to fire up for attendees, and for it to then generate a response of expectant boredom. We must take responsibility for flagging that this meeting is different, purposeful, will be full of energy and run efficiently and effectively. I for example often invite people to consider what quality they are bringing to the meeting/training - but if I did that every time it would soon melt into the background noise of pointlessness.

What can you do to ensure your next meeting meets and even exceeds expectations, and starts to build a positive anchor for when you invite people to a meeting?

Words have power, that's why I love exploring the negative and positive impact the language we're using might be having on us achieving our goals. However odd it might seem using 'problem', 'solutions' or 'answers' could just be the difference between success and failure!

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change - inside and out

More on the procurement consultancy, training and coaching services I'm offering in 2017 here - a clue - it includes soft skills, unconventional tools, creativity, language and inspiring change in procurement!

The Purchasing Coach: Language

In this first week of 2017 I'm going to be sharing more about what I as the Purchasing Coach get up to. The posts won't be written in any particular order - just prompted in a particular line of thought as I see things, or have conversations, or set about my to-do list.

Yesterday's post for example was prompted by the 10 minute task for the #64MillionArtists which tapped into my values, and why I do what I do in the way I do. The post that arose from that was entitled 'Don't leave your humanity at the door.' 

Today's prompt came from a more mundane activity - the good old New Year spring clean. From conversations with others it would seem it's not only me that has an urge to make order of the chaos at this time of year, that here in Fife seemed to mount up at home after returning from every trip away last year!

As I tidied up my office I came across this box of plasters/band-aids. I'd kept it with the intention of writing this blog....   

Language has power. 

When their child has hurt themselves no parent continues to say "ouch". 

Just think about doing that for a moment - what happens when you say "ouch". What happens when you think about having cut yourself, and then saying "ouch". To me it feels like we're poking ourselves where it hurts, ie increasing the pain!

Parents know when a child comes for a plaster to utter words that support the outcome they want - "there, there", "shall I kiss it better", "you poor thing" and so on.

Isn't that therefore the intention of the plaster - not for us to think it's going to make us hurt more but that it's going to alleviate our pain,

The following image seen in hotels all around the world speaks to the same issue:

In big bold letters in bathrooms in every country of the world we're being reminded to forget something - ie to leave something in the hotel!

It's not the intention of the hotel chains nor the plaster manufacturers but unconsciously we're receiving the opposite message to the one they're wanting to convey.

I love language, and as a result have written a number of other posts exploring how our language can give us more control over the outcome and can either help or hinder us in achieving our goals. Examples include:

• Are they 'answers' or 'solutions' - because using the right word for you will help you find them? 
• Why I'd suggest a Head or Problem Management won't solve many problems
• When is a major incident not a major incident - insight from a cupboard!
• How do you spell CAN'T - insight from a persoanl training session. There's another post that considers the impact of using the language of impossibility to describe a situation. 
• Language of change and transformation - clarity about the words used will help others understand what to expect.
• Who, if not you, is the organisation - in response to people blaming the problem on 'they/them'
• Clarity of meaning - trust and respect will mean very different things to people
• What do stakeholders and suppliers really hear when we say "procurement"?
• Are deadlines really killing you?

I also write posts over on Landscaping Your life where I use nature as a metaphor for our lives. Posts there have explored how sayings we use to describe a situation we're stuck in can also be used to get us back on track - for example:

• No pain no gain - is a very unhelpful belief to have as it suggests we can't achieve anything without pain.
• Can't see the wood for the trees means the answer can be found by imagining and exploring real trees.
• Making mountains out of molehills reminds us that if we're the mole it can't be a mountain that we're facing only a molehill.
• I'm stuck in a rut invites us to step out of it - literally. 

Language is certainly something I often pick up on and explore in coaching and training sessions, in communication planning, and in procurement, category and relationship strategy development too.

In what way might your language be hindering your progress, and what changes can you make to the language that would change the outcome you're getting? 

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach

Inspiring Change Inside and Out

More on The Purchasing Coach services being offered in 2017 can be found by following the link, and do include exploring the language being used within teams and with suppliers.

Are they answers or solutions?

This post has now moved to my new website 

Is your language stopping you from finding the solution?

Yesterday I suggested that the solution to a problem might be found in the very words we're using. That is, the solution to going around in circles may be to metaphorically explore the circles, or that trees would provide the solution when you metaphorically can't see the wood for the trees, or that procurement not having a seat at the table in organisations would be resolved by exploring how to get a seat at other types of table.

In this post I'm suggesting that the words we use can also stop us from finding a solution. As Caroline Myss says "words have power". They have power because words create internal representations in our mind. If the image that comes to mind when you use a word is this

rather than this

There's no surprise that you think and feel differently about the situation, and the likelihood of finding solutions might be very different too.

We're all different, and so a few of you may be more inspired by the brick wall, however the majority reading this will think of solutions more easily when imagining the 2nd picture or a similar image that conveys for them movement and ease.

I'm not just talking about words like can't, impossible and never which certainly tell the mind that a solution is out of reach but other words.

In the past I've written about using 'no pain, no gain' as a particularly unhelpful saying. Today I'd like to explore the use of 'problem.'

I'm sure we've all caught ourselves saying we've got a 'problem' and then correcting ourselves to say 'challenge' or even that the 'solution is currently eluding us'. We instinctively understand that labelling something as a problem means we're saying to other people, and our own mind, that it's all the things listed below.

We're telling ourselves at the onset, as soon as we use the word problem to describe a situation, that it's complicated, difficult, muddled and messy! Any wonder then that solutions are hard to find?

I saw the following job advert on LinkedIn a few weeks ago, and initially responded to say I loved the job title.

How fantastic does being a Head of Problem Management sound.

Until I considered what it actually meant, and could potentially mean within the organisation.

Does a problem manager just manage the problems - make lists of them, define them, sort them into piles and see success as well managed problems? Do those in the organisation go to the problem manager to gossip and moan about the problems. Perhaps there's a notice board where problems can be viewed for all to admire - ranking problems out of 10, and being particularly pleased when they've identified a 10/10!

It may sound silly, trivial or down right rude to you - and it might be. The proof is in whether problems in the organisation are lower or are now resolved quicker as a result of having a Head of Problem Management or not.

I'd love to explore whether a Head of Solution Management might reduce problems encountered in the organisation - you never know perhaps the Head of Problem Management hands their problems over to the Head of Solution Management for them to be resolved?      

What do you think? Would it make a difference to you? Do you notice the impact words have on you, and make a conscious decision to use words that support the outcome you want?

If you're getting the results you want there's no need to pay attention to the words you're using. If success is eluding you, or there's an increasing sense of stuckness then why not explore the language you're using to describe the situation. You never know, your language may just be what's keeping the solution at arms length.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change inside and out 

Available to help you and your team explore how the language and metaphors you're using might be helping or hindering you in finding solutions, and stopping you achieving your 2016 2017 goals. Support available with other soft skills development too.

To find out more do get in touch either via alison@alisonsmith.eu or +44(0)7770 538159

No seat at the table

Post now moved to new website

Did you really mean that?

I saw this 'major incident cupboard' in a stair well in a hospital earlier in the year. I spent many moments wondering the meaning of the words, and about the contents of the cupboard. 

At some level it feels like it's really important, and yet it's location, the vague wording and difficult accessability suggest perhaps not.

A useful reminder that if something is important we need to ensure we communicate in a manner aligned with the outcome we want. 

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach

Inspiring change - inside and out

How do you spell CAN'T?

**

I was mid moan saying I couldn't do something in personal training when Gavin, my personal trainer, asked:

"How do you spell CAN'T?"

When I looked quizzically at him his response was:

"W  O  N  T."

Four letters that make such a difference W  O  N  T.

Which, as with other similar one liners from him in the past, stopped me in my tracks.

I'm very quick to pick up on other's language when it's inconsistent with their stated goal but often fail to recognise when I'm doing the same. 

Use of "can't" conveys an element of impossibility, of thresholds being met and of potential already achieved, with no further room for improvement or excellence.

Use of "won't" conveys a different situation altogether. One of potential resistance, where a decision has been made from the mind rather than based on the experience of trying and evidence.

A great reminder of the magic that can be found by choosing the right words in any situation.

As Gavin often tells me - my body can stand almost anything, it's my mind that I certainly have to convince! 

Onwards and upwards on the ongoing battle between head and body!

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach 

Inspiring change inside and out 

** NB Picture at the top taken on one of the rare days I didn't moan! 

Who, if not you, is 'the organisation'?

Author, speaker, and inspiration to me, Caroline Myss says "words have power".

Caroline doesn't mean sentences, she means each and every word. 

Each word has real power and meaning, and if we take time to explore those words we will be very surprised with what we discover.

The above tweet is a great example of what we do all the time, and the words used are a clue to why we're not solving the problem. 

First let me say I not going to query the % stated, nor ask for the evidence, because that's not the point I'm wanting to make. Instead I want to focus on the words - because the words used are heard every day, perhaps even every minute of every day, across and around the globe in organisations.

"Their organisation" "they" "them"

That is, not the person speaking but some other group of individuals, unnamed and unspecified, are doing or requesting the unacceptable behaviour. 

In this instance 'their organisation' wants a tactical supply chain. But who is 'their organisation' if not the person saying the words. After all we're constantly told the cSuite wants a strategic and collaborative supply chain, so too the CPOs - so who is this 'organisation' that wants something different? 

The following question therefore arises:

What needs to happen to make the supply chain more strategic and collaborative, and what steps will you personally take to make it a reality? 

I've written many blogs on us needing to take personal responsibility for the life we say we want (work or personal) - whether that's:

• Being happy at work (rather than blaming others for our unhappiness), 
• Taking responsibility for our own toxic behaviours (rather than pointing our finger at everyone else), 
• Realising our behaviour might be impacting how others are behaving (rather than blaming the other person) 
• Speaking up about unacceptable behaviour (rather than burying our head in the sand and hoping it will go away). 

In these examples the words being used in business suggest the solution lies somewhere else. The challenege is, it always lies within us, and never elsewhere. We have to change, in order for the world to change - Gandhi was right ...

What responsibility do you need to accept and embrace today, and what action will you take, and when? 

The post last month about Procurement as Mr Wolf came about from listening to a group of suppliers talking about procurement. My challenge to them was what came first - their belief or the behaviour? 

If you'd like to discover the power behind the words your using personally, as a team, or as an organisation do get in touch alison@alisonsmith.eu +44 (0)7770 538159.

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach, and Landscaping Your Life too

Inspiring change inside and out 

Other posts exploring the words used, in a variety of different ways, have included:

• Innovation doesn't grow on trees
• Supplier relationship management or relationship management 
• Chocolate 
• Bring it in out of the cold
• Making mountains out of molehills
• Can't see the wood for the trees 
• Comfort universe 
• Or words that give a clue to the organisational metaphor operating such as work as war, a race, a marathon, a garden and so on 

Is your language clear?

Would you know what the words "Trust and Respect each other" meant?

Would this image cover it, or would another image come to mind?

"Trust and respect each other" was one of Tesco's values I shared in yesterday's blog about business values. I don't share it here to reflect on their values - it's just such a great example of how we use words and believe it's clear what we mean.

In training sessions I often use the word chocolate as a means of making the point, that we don't all have common agreement about what chocolate means, never mind more contentious words such as procurement, trust and respect,

Let's work backwards on the value to explain what I mean.

"Each other"

Do they mean just between Tesco employees? Where trust and respect go out of the window for shareholders, suppliers and customers? Or do they include customers in the mix, but perhaps exclude suppliers?

Yesterday I shared Ben & Jerry's values and it was much clearer from the language they used that trust and respect would include: "suppliers, employees, farmers, franchisees, customers, and neighbors" because they've been explicitly stated.

Do you get a sense of how easy it is for misunderstandings to arise. After all I can hear the person who developed Tesco's values shouting "Of course it just means x - why would it mean y?"

The next 2 words in the statement are nominalisations, and not verbs. Each person reading this will, therefore, have a different definition about what the word means. The degree of energy you put into even discussing their meaning will depend on where they appear on your own hierarchy of values.

"Respect"

Lack of respect is something that crops up in many coaching sessions, and yet its definition is as varied as those attending the sessions. It's lack might include:

• Not returning calls 
• Not saying thank you 
• Not treating the person as you yourself would would wish to be treated
• Not abusing or bullying the other person (although again these are words where one behaviour might be seen to be bullying by one person, and not by another. The general rule is if the person on the receiving end considers it to be abusive behaviour then it is.)
• Not turning up on time
• Dismissing and trivial anything the other person feels strongly about 
• Talking over others
• Not offering a drink when in their office for a meeting
• Working through lunch
• Only talking about themselves
• Not asking about the other person's ill partner or child
• Not allowing any time for rapport building and getting to know each other before a meeting starts 
• Expecting responses from emails at night or weekends
• Not listening to other's opinions
• Not honouring boundaries that have been set
• Cancelling at short notice
• Sending urgent emails at 1700 on a Friday with a 0900 Monday deadline for a response
• Paying less than it costs to provide the service
• Lying or dishonesty (if there's even a difference between the two) 
• Reneging on contract terms already agreed and signed
• and so on

One or many of these, or other examples, may apply for there to be a lack of respect in the eyes of the beholder. Even if the other person has a 'reason' for their behaviour that is, in their opinion, justified, and certainly NOT a sign of disrespect, and would be mortified if anyone suggested they were showing a lack of respect.

Difficult to ensure then that when using such words in values statements that there's a clear agreement by everyone about what behaviours are expected. Yes many values statements have a list of behaviours that aim to show what is meant - I suspect in many cases it wouldn't go to the detail listed above.   

It's not just values statements though where lack of respect might be mentioned. I'm sure it's something often said in contract and relationship management meetings between buyers/suppliers. Without a clear agreement of what is, and isn't, expected it's very easy I'd suggest to disrespect someone without intending to. 

"Trust"

Lack of trust will have has the same infinite list of behaviours that some would define lack of trust as being.

• Mari Sako differentiated between contractual, competence and goodwill trust
• In The Speed of Trust Stephen M R Covey differentiated between personal and relationship trust
• Stephen M R Cover also provided 13 behaviours that were needed to develop trust between 2 parties:

• Talk straight
• Demonstrate respect
• Create transparency
• Right wrongs
• Show loyalty
• Deliver results
• Get better
• Confront reality 
• Clarify expectations
• Practise accountability 
• Listen first
• Keep commitments
• Extend Trust 

Each behaviour in their own right an opportunity for disagreement over what is, and isn't required.

Is your communication clear, and do misunderstandings arise because of the lack of clarity?

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change inside and out

A previous post considered the different definitions for honesty.