Motivation is an inside job

Motivation is an inside job. 

I’ll say it again. Motivation is an inside job. 

Our motivation, or it’s lack, is not the fault of other people. Which means the toxic boss, negative colleagues, or relentless organisational culture are not the reason for our lack of motivation. Our decision to allow these things to impact our motivation is. 

I know that’s hard. I know it’s easier to point the finger at others. I also know that sustained contact with these potential demotivators can wear even the hardiest person down. 

The issue is that so long as we look for the cause outside ourselves we’ll not take personal responsibility for making the changes that are needed. Instead, we join others and gossip about the toxic boss rather than make the hard decision to find a new job or raise the issue with HR. Instead we continue in our lack of motivation, waiting and hoping for someone else to change their behaviour - and that may never ever happen - leopards and their spots and all that! 

If you’re lacking motivation, what action can you take today to take responsibility for the external factors you’re currently allowing to impact your joy for life?

Getting the most from attendance of workshops

I've written a blog for Future Purchasing entitled:

"How you can get the most from attending workshops". 

It was written because there are occasions when people invest 2-3 days of their time on a workshop, and have given no thought to how they will get the most from it. There's a blog next week aimed at managers, and what they can do to ensure their teams get the most from the time away from the office.

For some attendees it's as if they turn up and expect the trainer to do all the work. A bit like turning up to the gym with no idea of your goal, hoping the personal trainer will do most of the work for you, and then being disappointed with the outcome.

You have a choice use the time wisely ahead of time, or hope the trainer is a miracle worker and can get you to learn just the thing you most needed to learn.

The trainer can only take it so far to develop a workshop to support your learning and aha's, the post invites you to think about what you can do to help them, and make it a truly inspiring and valuable use of your time. It includes:

• What you can do before attending the workshop 
• What to do during the workshop
• What do afterwards

I've also written a blog entitled:

How managers can ensure their teams get the most from attending workshops. 

And addresses the same points as above but from the perspective of a manager sending their team to attend a workshop, and wanting them to get the most from the investment in time and money.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change - inside and out

Are you in the right state of mind?

I love this image - a great reminder that at any point we need to be mindful of our state of mind and body. Perhaps more importantly to ask ourselves is that state appropriate to the outcome we're wanting. If it's not appropriate it's about doing what you have to do to shift that state. If negative what do you need to do to be a little more positive, if lacking confidence how can you be more confident, if muddled how can you get more clarity. Too easy perhaps to think we're stuck with the state we're in rather than realising there's lots we can do. 

What state do you need to be in today, and how will you ensure you achieve it when it's needed? 

This prescription for positivity might help give you some ideas. 

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach

Inspiring change - inside and out

Who, if not you, is 'the organisation'?

Author, speaker, and inspiration to me, Caroline Myss says "words have power".

Caroline doesn't mean sentences, she means each and every word. 

Each word has real power and meaning, and if we take time to explore those words we will be very surprised with what we discover.

The above tweet is a great example of what we do all the time, and the words used are a clue to why we're not solving the problem. 

First let me say I not going to query the % stated, nor ask for the evidence, because that's not the point I'm wanting to make. Instead I want to focus on the words - because the words used are heard every day, perhaps even every minute of every day, across and around the globe in organisations.

"Their organisation" "they" "them"

That is, not the person speaking but some other group of individuals, unnamed and unspecified, are doing or requesting the unacceptable behaviour. 

In this instance 'their organisation' wants a tactical supply chain. But who is 'their organisation' if not the person saying the words. After all we're constantly told the cSuite wants a strategic and collaborative supply chain, so too the CPOs - so who is this 'organisation' that wants something different? 

The following question therefore arises:

What needs to happen to make the supply chain more strategic and collaborative, and what steps will you personally take to make it a reality? 

I've written many blogs on us needing to take personal responsibility for the life we say we want (work or personal) - whether that's:

• Being happy at work (rather than blaming others for our unhappiness), 
• Taking responsibility for our own toxic behaviours (rather than pointing our finger at everyone else), 
• Realising our behaviour might be impacting how others are behaving (rather than blaming the other person) 
• Speaking up about unacceptable behaviour (rather than burying our head in the sand and hoping it will go away). 

In these examples the words being used in business suggest the solution lies somewhere else. The challenege is, it always lies within us, and never elsewhere. We have to change, in order for the world to change - Gandhi was right ...

What responsibility do you need to accept and embrace today, and what action will you take, and when? 

The post last month about Procurement as Mr Wolf came about from listening to a group of suppliers talking about procurement. My challenge to them was what came first - their belief or the behaviour? 

If you'd like to discover the power behind the words your using personally, as a team, or as an organisation do get in touch alison@alisonsmith.eu +44 (0)7770 538159.

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach, and Landscaping Your Life too

Inspiring change inside and out 

Other posts exploring the words used, in a variety of different ways, have included:

• Innovation doesn't grow on trees
• Supplier relationship management or relationship management 
• Chocolate 
• Bring it in out of the cold
• Making mountains out of molehills
• Can't see the wood for the trees 
• Comfort universe 
• Or words that give a clue to the organisational metaphor operating such as work as war, a race, a marathon, a garden and so on 

Are you unhappy at work?

Apparently a third of workers in the UK are unhappy at work according to Monster UK, and reported on HRGrapevine - with only 12% of workers loving their job. The sample size wasn't huge 2844 - but is supported by other surveys.

How would you answer the question about your level of satisfaction/happiness with the work you do?

There are multiple reasons for unhappiness at work, and I'm going to concentrate on the reasons we can take personal responsibility for.

That is, today, in this moment in time, there's lots of things we can't do - alone anyway- and these include:

• We can't change a toxic leader - however much we might like to - we can only change our reaction to them.    
• We can't stop someone playing their games at work - however much we might like to - we can only change our reaction to them.
• We can't stop a bully bullying - however much we might like to - we can only change our reaction to them.
• We can't change organisational culture over night - however much we might like to - we can only change our reaction to it.
• We can't change the nature of the work we're doing - however much we might like to - we can only change our reaction to doing it.

There are however in that moment many things we can do, and that includes changing our reaction to what's happening, and taking the necessary actions to reduce whatever it is that is making us unhappy in the work we do. 

Let's start with the obvious question, the response to which may seem a little harsh.

How long have you been unhappy? 

And if the answer is longer than 12 months.

Why are you still there? 

Don't get me wrong I've been there, and certainly got the T-shirt, and stayed somewhere longer than I should ie longer than was good for me, and the organisation. Which means I can list many of the excuses for not leaving:

• I've put my heart and soul into this organisation for x years
• I'm not leaving because of x
• They need to fire z and then it will be ok again
• It will get better
• It will get better when x or y happens
• Another job won't pay me as well, or have as good terms  
• It's the only place to work around here, in easy commute etc
• I'll lose my pension, holidays, flexible working etc 
• I like my colleagues, and don't want to leave them
• Someone has to stand up to the bas£$£ds
• I won't go without a fight

As your coach I'd be asking "Is that true" for every one of these excuses, and I'd also be asking if the cost of the benefits outlined above are greater than the cost to your own happiness, and ultimately your well-being and long term survival? 

I can hear the responses now:

• But that's what working for an organisation is all about Alison
• I won't find anywhere different
• It's the price you have to pay

We may have to agree to disagree on these points. We can however agree on the need for you to assess: 

• How you would like your working life to be like, 
• What it's like now
• What needs to change to get from one to the other 
• What actions you can take to make the changes  
• What you can't change 

Which then determines whether you take the necessary actions to stay or leave.

Pointing your finger at others, and saying they're responsible for your happiness or unhappiness is the reason you're unhappy. There's lots you can do, and as these actions are as unique as you are, I'll just list some suggestions, and include links to other posts I've written that would help you explore that action more fully.

• Get clearer about your values, what motivates you, and why you do what you do, and how a value might have got too big for its boots
• Clearly outline your ideal job
• Address recurring patterns that seem to repeatedly occur in your working life (the "that always happens to me" sort)
• Dealing with anger when your buttons are being pressed
• Develop your own prescription for positivity/happiness
• Don't spend time with miserable mackerels  
• Releasing your 'adrenaline junkie' like tendencies  
• Remember there's 3 versions of any story - yours, theirs and the truth! So it can be helpful to stand in the shoes of the other person and see the situation from their perspective.
• Ensuring you're in the right state of mind and body for the task in hand
• Starting the day as you mean to go on
• Switching off your auto pilot
• Not accepting that sub-optimal performance is the norm from yourself

Some inspiration from nature via my Landscaping your Life blog includes:

• Getting out of a rut
• Seeing the wood for the trees
• Taking your head out of the sand
• Finding your paddle when you're up a creek without one
• Persevering - after aurora hunting
• Changing your comfort zone to a comfort universe
• Letting the sunshine in - a case study of someone not feeling very positive about work 
• Visiting the north pole of inaccessibility - when undertaking difficult tasks

 :-)

Although there's many other tools I share on the Landscaping Your Life site what would help support any of the actions in the first list.

Other more general posts from this blog that might help include

• Have you reached a Choice Point in your life - based on the book of the same name
• NLP changed my life - and certainly got me taking responsibility for my life, and my reaction to other people and what was happening to me
• Don't die with the music still in you
• Why do I have to change - because often this is the reason we keep doing what we've always done, and not unsurprisingly get the same outcome
• Break out of the mould
• Appreciate others 
• Getting back on track - yesterday blog shares a tool I often use with clients in this situation 

If you'd like to take responsibility for the work you're doing, and your level of satisfaction about it, and need some support, you may want to consider getting a coach to help you.

There's lots of coaches who offer support in a variety of ways. The key is finding one who best fits the outcome you want, where you are now, and your personality. I'd be happy to be considered - do get in touch to find out more alison@alisonsmith.eu +44 (0)7770 538159

  

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach and Landscaping Your Life too

Inspiring change inside and out

Will you squeeze every last drop of juice from 2016?

If Life is too short,
and life is also what you make of it

then it's our responsibility to get every last ounce of juice from it.

Here's to a very juicy 2016 - whether that's love, laughter, fun, climbing mountains, reading, blogging, writing, travelling, raising children, caring for others, saving the world, or what ever else inspires your passion for life.

EnJOY
Alison

Reasons to be angry part 2 - mirrors

Last week I said I'd explore another source of anger and so here it is - reasons to be angry part 2 *

Anger comes in many shapes and sizes, and its sources are as numerous. That said we each have a choice what emotion we respond to another person with. In other words:

• It is not true to say that a person's behaviour made us angry.
• It is true to say we chose to be angry as a result of the other person's behaviour.

A subtle difference, and yet one that changes the responsibility for the anger from the other person to us. Something we often don't like to take responsibility for - preferring instead to continue to blame the other person.

When we feel anger it certainly feels as if our anger is justified - of course we believe we're right to be angry about the person doing this, saying that, or not doing something else. However consider these 2 different reasons for anger:

• Anger that is appropriate, and ensures we take action to distance ourselves from the source of the unacceptable behaviour. That is situations where most people would agree with us about the unacceptableness of the other persons actions. These situations are often supported by the law, codes of conduct and ethics, or human rights.   
• Anger that arises when one of our buttons has been pressed - ie other people might not necessarily agree with us about the unacceptableness of the other person's actions. 

It's this latter form of anger I want to explore.

Last week I discussed the situation where our anger arises from compromised values. That is we value a behaviour so much we get angry when other people don't meet our expectations in that regard.

Today I want to look at anger when its source is the disowned parts of us that we see in other people.

I'm sure we can all recall times when someone has said of another "they're so arrogant" or "rude","selfish", "lazy", "critical", "aggressive", "dishonest", "competitive" and so on - when our response to them would ideally be "and so are you".

The key is remembering if we can say "and so are you" when someone judges another person - then the same can be said of us. That is we too can judge other people simply because it's a fault we don't accept in ourselves. The key to recognising this is happening is that anger or irritation is often involved.

Consider the following list and rank the level of anger/irritation (0/10) you feel when people demonstrate the behaviour:

• Arrogant
• Rude
• Selfish
• Lazy
• Critical
• Aggressive
• Dishonest
• Competitive
• Controlling
• Passive
• Manipulative 
• Talkative
• Negative
• Positive
• Unethical
• Resistant
• Analytical
• Uncompassionate
• Apathetic

If non of these have pressed your buttons then write your own list of what behaviours do press your buttons and that illicit an angry / irritated response. To do this you may want to remember when you've been irritated with someone, and identify the behaviour they were demonstrating that triggered your reaction.

For any of the higher scoring behaviours you may want to consider if any of the following are true:

• Does everyone agree with your assessment of the other person's behaviour? and if you say yes - are you sure? and what evidence do you have? (When we get angry, and there's no budging us on our opinion, others may find it difficult to disagree with us and simply just nod, or change the subject, believing quite rightly, its easier to acquiesce than disagree.)
• Are you irritated every time everyone demonstrates this behaviour or just some people - what's the difference between those whose behaviour you accept, and those that you get angry about?
• Do you get angry when you demonstrate this behaviour - and what excuses differences are there between you demonstrating the behaviour and other people?
• Is the behaviour compromising a value you have?
• Is this a behaviour you perhaps need to learn how to do more of - for example we could get angry about someone being selfish because a part of us knows we need to learn how to think of ourselves more than others sometimes.
• Is this a behaviour you demonstrate that you don't like nor accept in yourself.

The clue we're onto something useful for this last point is the discomfort we feel when we 'agree' we too can be seen by others to demonstrate, some of the time, some aspects of, that behaviour - but we don't like it. 

Another clue we're disowning that part is the ease with which we can run down the rest of the list and say "yes I can be like that sometimes" with no emotion nor discomfort accompanying the statement.

Yet when we get to a disowned behaviour we resist acknowledging that this behaviour is also a part of our repertoire. We get uncomfortable and try to qualify our behaviour.

To take the anger out of our judgement of others requires us to own, acknowledge and appreciate that behaviour in ourselves. Oddly as it sounds it's this ownership that takes the heat our of our own behaviour - it's as if when we don't own it - the behaviour controls us. As soon as we own it we have choice about how we demonstrate the behaviour - enabling us to utilise all its best qualities rather than only show its more challenging sides. 

Easier said than done and may include considering one or all of the following:

• The benefits to be gained from that behaviour (e.g. we may resist selfishness because we can't see any benefits from doing it)? or what's the positive energy behind the behaviour?
• What other terms can be used to describe this behaviour (e.g selfishness might be described as having courage, supporting well being, assertiveness, ensuring sustainability and survival. Another way to get at the benefits)?
• How can you demonstrate this behaviour more usefully?
• What situations does this behaviour come up in for you - with specific people, in specific places, in reaction to specific behaviours? 
• How does, or has, this behaviour set you back in the past - ie think of a specific instance (sometimes we're holding on to a specific event, and therefore acknowledging the pain (setback) we're still holding on to allows the behaviour to become just like the other behaviours). 
• How might you deal with these situations differently in the future?
• What action can you take to no longer be setback by this behaviour (I remember one example where the antidote to superiority was coming in sooner with a solution in meetings rather than holding back in a very superior way. It's certainly easier to identify an antidote if you've identified and described a situation where you've been setback by the behaviour.)  

I'd love to know if you've had any ah-ha's as you've read this.

I realise as I've been writing this that much of the insight shared here have arisen as I've used the Frameworks for change Coaching Process with clients to address many of these sorts of behaviours (see ** below for more on the process). If you're interested in finding out more about the coaching I do please call me +44 (0)7770 538159 or email alison@alisonsmith.eu

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out

* Every time I read 'Reasons to be angry part 2' I think of Ian and the Blockheads Reasons to be Cheerful part 3 and remember seeing them at the Victoria Hall, Stoke on Trent in 1978! Oh dear - with my birthday approaching - that does make me feel old!

** Frameworks for change coaching process (FCP)

I've been successfully using the FCP in my coaching and group facilitation work with clients since 2005

• FCP - applied to improving relationships at work

• Youtube - a playlist with a couple of video blogs on the subject

• Staying on track - insight from use of the FCP

• Coaching insight on being heard - how to be

• Keeping on track in a down turn - a session with the Scottish PSA

*** I do like Johnhain's pictures (as shown above) and found in Pixabay - I've used his images a few times on this blog. I must buy him a coffee very soon.

0313

Earlier in the week I shared my own tribute to Wayne Dyer, an inspirational speaker and writer, who died a few weeks ago. Hay house, his publisher, and friends paid their own tribute to him at a conference tonight. After staying up here in the UK to watch it till 0245 I sat down to write and this is what emerged.

As I wrote I realised I'd hit the magic time of morning (0313) where Wayne would often get up:

'The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you - don't go back to sleep' Rumi

The writing that emerged isn't what I'd normally share but it expresses much of what I've learnt from Wayne, and its because of that I share this today - in honour of a man who has made such a difference to so many people's lives, and will continue to do so for years, if not decades, to come.

Let love be your compass 

We are all the same.

We all have the capacity to love and hate in equal measure.

Those who choose love choose a harder path.

Those who choose hate have an easier road to travel.

Hate has anger.

Hate has vitriol.

Hate has bullets and other weapons.

Love's only weapon is the open heart - which can't be seen only felt.

Whilst hate defends itself against attach, love opens itself vulnerable to that attach.

Trust and faith are love's only strategies that reinforce the courage to stay strong.

Know love is the only answer.

Know love will win.

Know love is the only winner.

Everyone will realise that in the end.

Those who choose hate will just take a little longer to accept that.

Every day let love be your compass.

Every day see and be grateful of the love in others (ALL others).

Every day remember we each are a reflection of the divine.

What you see in another is as true within you as it is within them.

If there's hate in the world - then somewhere deep inside you there too must be hate.

Even if it's hidden and only heard in the early hours of the morning.

Heal your own hate, and walk the talk with love.

Know as you shine you allow others to too.

Be the way forger.

Know that whilst you may have chosen the harder path that only those able to rise to the challenge start the journey, and make it their own.

Find the music in you, and walk the talk with gratitude.

Let love be your compass. 

Great visuals from John Hain on Pixbay

"I don't do soft fluffy stuff"

Walk the talk Alison and wait till you calm down.

No I'm just going to type away and apologise ahead of time if the tone gets in the way of the message - I'm angry........


A reaction I sometimes get when I explain about the coaching I do, or perhaps more appropriately the tools I use is: 

"oh I don't do fluffy stuff"

Or even worse

"well yes I get the relevance of the work you do but it's just too fluffy for those I work with"

You see - whether we think they're fluffy or not we do all do this stuff. When saying you don't do fluffy stuff you might as well be saying "I'm not a human". In other words unless you're an android, you do have:

• A body with certain needs to keep it functioning
• A mind that works in a particular way
• Emotions that impact you every minute of every day
• Values that determine your every action (and these come from - dare I say it - your heart!)
• Beliefs that support these values in all the judgements you make
• Memories that impact how you behave
• Skills that you learned in your own specific way
• Behaviours that push, or otherwise, other people's buttons

All of these come with you where ever you go and cannot, I repeat can not, get left at the door when you walk into work - they're with you 24/7 365 every year of your life.

Actually I've changed my mind - it seems we're a lot like androids with:

• A specification we were built to
• Specific memory that can get overloaded  
• Different operating programmes
• Software programmes that ensure we function
• Maintenance schedules to keep us operating efficiently
• A need for reprogramming and upgrades
• and yet still crash occasionally with the need for the helpdesk 

The difference between androids and humans are obviously many. However the main one of relevance here is whilst androids have a helpful operating manual - humans don't. Although many of the NLP, emotional intelligence and personality typing theories and models (you know the fluffy stuff above) would go some way to providing input into developing your own personal operating manual.

The challenge when we're not succeeding is we do really need to understand our own operating manual.

Of course we can try to emulate the likes of the the Dragons, Richard Branson or Arianne Huffington but we don't have their memories, experiences, mind, body or emotions. So whilst we can model what they do we will need to understand how that can be translated into our own operating language.

"There's plenty of people out there who don't do this fluffy stuff"

Great and if you can do that and succeed, and achieve what you want from life - then as they say "fill your boots". But let's get this clear - you may not know about the fluffy stuff - but since bicentennial
man is a long way away - you are still doing the fluffy stuff - you can't help but not do.

This blog isn't about saying everyone has to learn everything about this 'fluffy stuff'. However it helps to acknowledge that is does have baring on what you do every minute of every day.

As the over used saying goes:

"If you keep doing what you've always done you'll get what you've always got"

In other words if you're not succeeding then change what you're doing. Of course you can do this without understanding or looking at your operating manual (yes the fluffy) but it is a little more hit and miss. If you get out your operating manual then you can really start to understand why you're not getting the results you want.

Ignoring the "fluff" when you're stuck is like:

• Getting the plumber to cut your hair
• Knowing your car keys are in your coat pocket and looking everywhere else for them
• Putting your chicken in the fridge and expecting it to roast
• Putting diesel in your petrol car and blaming the car
• Buying a ticket to London when your meeting is in Edinburgh
• Arranging the meeting for Wednesday and turning up on Thursday

"It's everyone else fault I'm not getting what I want"

No it's not and you know it - even if it is only that inner voice (sorry is that too fluffy) that knows it.

That's right the fluffy stuff can help answer why you're not moving forward in the direction you want. Of course goal setting will help and all the other things I've blogged about this month. If you've tried that, however, and are still not getting where you wanted something else is stopping you.

I hate to say it but the solution is likely to be found right in the middle of all that lovely fluff.

Do you want to know why your fluff has the answer - because *said in a whisper* it could just be one of the following that's getting in your way of results, success and the achievement you've always dreamed of:

• Your relationships with other people
• Your arrogance
• Your bullying behaviour
• Your lack of confidence
• Unhelpful beliefs
• Fear - of success, failure, other people or even flying
• Overly restrictive values
• Resistance to change
• Conflicting values (a biggie)
• Abuse from others
• Lack of trust
• Inability to control your emotions
• Unhealthy choices
• Negativity
• Too much positivity

I'm sorry if that got too fluffy - but that's the reality of being human.

As a result of the life you've lived you are who you are and some of those experiences will have been helpful and others not. We just sometime need a little help from the helpdesk to reprogramme, upgrade or uncorrupt some of our software scripts.

Unless you're happy not achieving your goals of course.

I hope I have persuaded you of the relevance of the fluff even if I would prefer we called it personal development or something like that. The sad reality is most people reading this will agree with me, and already take ownership for exploring the fluff to find what's holding them back. I just hope that a few people out there who usually dis the fluff may have had their minds changed. Happy to have a chat to discuss more fully +44 (0)7770 538159.

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out - when what you're doing isn't working - and yes sometimes just having a rant!

And for the eagle eyed followers of my blog amongst you, yes this was written later in the month and put back here because I didn't want it to get in the flow of blogs on achieving your goals.

I need to see it to believe it - or do you?

 

I opened my curtains on Monday morning to find that a small oil rig (or parts of it anyway) had appeared in what I describe as my front garden (ie in the view from my house across the Forth to Edinburgh).

 

This morning having heard alarms ringing at 5am ish, as I assume the ship submerged, I was met with this view. On first glance looking as if the ship was sinking. 

 

and even more so here once the 'oil rig' had floated away.

 



It reminded me of a picture I put on Pinterest that showed what looked like the trails of stars as they move around the earth. I said then...

Life like nature is never what it seems. Whilst it might seem as if we're on a static world with the sun revolving around us we know its the other way around. Isn't that what we often do in life and believe its the other person who needs to move position and not us.

Both examples that sometimes what we believe we have the evidence to support might not always be what's happening. As demonstrated in the picture I used in yesterday's blog of me perched on the top of a seemingly dangerous cliff!

Where might you be making the wrong conclusions?

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out in Procurement