5 day Procurement Mindset challenge

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

In the procurement mindset 5 day challenge starting on 9^th September we’ll be looking at ways of making a supportive mindset a habit.

Put the hammer down

Over the last few weeks whilst out for a walk I've been finding nails on the pavement. 

I'd pick them up and put them in the nearest rubbish bin, and then a few days later find another one and do the same. It's still a mystery where they're coming from.

One day I'd just picked a nail off the pavement, and thought I saw another one - until I realised my error - as it was just a twig!

It reminded me of the saying  

When you've got a hammer everything looks like a nail.

Its easily done - and may be the reason for a current situation you're feeling very stuck about?

When we're seemingly going around in circles, or stuck in a rut, or getting the same unwanted results, you may want to check you're not just walking around with a hammer in your hand!

The metaphorical hammers in our lives might be as a result of:

• Being too comfortable in our comfort zones. The best means I've found for getting out of mine is to do something different everyday. Although I did enjoy exploring what impact a comfort universe might have last year! 
• Making assumptions that everyone is just like us - and using what we see as evidence to support that - even though when we're seeing a nail it's really a twig!
• Forgetting that we only know a very small percentage of the facts and data and do need to ensure we get as wide a perspective as possible.  
• Being stuck in a rut of just doing the same thing over and over. One unconventional means of getting out of a rut is to go and find a real one ... as you'll see here 

• Expecting different results from doing the same thing
• Blaming others 
• Getting stuck in a role or pattern of behaviour with another person   
• and so on (I'd love to know your suggestions for hammers we carry in our lives - work or personal)

Where in your life might you be rigidly holding onto the hammer, and what do you need to do to put the hammer down?

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach 
Unlocking procurement potential 

Unlocking the potential of procurement teams

I've written before that my life changed in 2000 after attending a Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner workshop. Changed, because I started to take responsibility for the outcomes I was getting in life and at work. I was easier to deal with, and the world felt a lot easier to deal with too.

There was another aspect to the change - and that was the work I was doing.

Prior to the workshop I was a Procurement and Category Manager responsible for procurement activities. In other words, I was involved in getting the most value out of the goods and services being bought by the organisation. Something I'd been doing for 15 years at that time.

After attending the NLP workshop additional activities crept in utilising the tools I was learning - my title also changed to reflect these new responsibilities - Procurement Communication and Personal Development Manager.

If I was to describe what I became then it was a manager responsible for the personal and professional development, well being, and effectiveness of the team, and coach when people were stuck. Stuck - in either their personal or professional lives.

Perhaps put more simply I helped them unlock their potential.

If it's not too soft and fluffy I believe the benefits of unlocking people's potential goes without saying. Just in case it's not so clear to others, what I've observed in the 17 years since that first workshop is that unlocking someones potential can improve or increase their: (in no particular order)

• Confidence - at the very least positively impacting their influencing and negotiation skills with internal stakeholders and suppliers.
• Taking personal responsibility rather than blaming others for outcomes.
• Taking personal responsibility rather than leaving it for others to do. 
• Relationship management - ensuring they have engaged stakeholders and suppliers on their side not playing for the opposition. 
• State management - ie an ability to manage their state of mind and body in the moment to respond appropriately to any situation.
• Awareness of others - and understanding that we're not all the same, and we may all have different meanings for the same words, and different perspectives on what the right strategy will be.
• Giving constructive feedback rather than burying their head in the sand. 
• Trying news ways of working rather than falling back on the all too familiar patterns and ways of working.
• Empathy - to put themselves in the shoes of team members, stakeholders and suppliers. 
• Finding solutions rather than just identifying the problems.
• Responding appropriately to others.
• Management and leadership skills.
• Ability to accept change for themselves, and manage change in others.
• Being happier and more engaged at work. 
• Creativity and innovation - to deliver breakthrough opportunities and to not just always assume tendering is the answer.
• Focus and direction - to get more of the right things done every day.
• Knowing the difference between passivity, assertion and aggression, and when to use them rather than act from the default.
• Resilience - allowing them to bounce back from set backs and resistance from others.
• Communication style - improving understanding and relationships within the procurement team and beyond.
• Flexibility of approach to dealing with others. e.g. not bringing out resistance in others we need to support our actions is always a positive outcome.
• Acceptance and focus on their own development areas. 
• Organisation and planning - I developed this pinterest board on time management after some 1:3 clinics on the subject last year.
• Motivation - ie enthusiasm vs boredom and frustration. It depends on what someone is doing whether just doing the job with little passion is good enough, or whether passion and enthusiasm will bring added benefit to their work and the results they deliver.   
• Understanding of the impact of making judgements of others.
• Well being. 
• and so on.

and a few things they'll be invited to release:

• Fear - of failure, of speaking, of success, of moving on, and so on. 
• Making assumptions - Deep Water Horizon is a great example, if the movie is based on fact, of the disastrous impact of making assumptions. You'll find other horror stories of procurement gone wrong in Pinterest where I'd suggest a large percentage of the reason it even happened is due to 'how' the procurement team did what they did.  
• Cutting corners when it's not safe to do so.
• Going around in circles.
• Taking their head out of the sand on the negative impact they're having on other people, and the other persons performance.
• Paying lip service to 'soft skills' development (forgive a girl for trying :-)).

Understanding the category management or supplier management tools is essential - but 'what' we do is only half the equation. The remainder comes from 'how' we do what we do. It's no use bulldozering stakeholders to accept a recommendation for example, if that then means they do the exact opposite.(Unless of course you're happy with just delivering forecast savings, and not real ones.)

For the last 11 years I've been self employed delivering a mix of category management consultancy, training and coaching - with a whole load of unconventional tools, development of the 'how', and unlocking potential thrown in too. See my year in blogs for a sense of what 2016 entailed.

In 2017 I'm looking to further expand the elements of my role that deal with 'how' procurement teams do what they do, and unlocking their potential.

If you're interested in developing the 'how' they do what they do to further unlock the potential of your team please do get in touch - alison@alisonsmith.eu +44 (0)7770 538159.

I look forward to exploring what unconventional tools (or maybe even conventional ones) would support your team most so they may exceed yours and the board's expectations.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Using unconventional tools to unlock the potential of procurement teams.

The picture above is one of 96 jigsaw pieces we had engraved with the objectives of the procurement team for that year. Everyone had one jigsaw piece, and took them to meetings to swap and discuss. As objectives were met an online jigsaw was completed - see below for a real life attempt at completing it at one team meeting! 

This innovative approach, along side other activities, ensured an improvement from bottom quartile in the MORI staff opinion poll in our first year after merger to upper quartile the following year - including the following improvements.

• Feeling motivated in present job: 19% increase 
• Feeling valued: 32% increase
• Satisfaction with communications: 42% increase

That's just the way business is!

I started 2017 with an intention, or was it a plea, to ensure that Procurement didn't leave their humanity at the negotiation door. After attendance of a conference on mental health today I realise leaving humanity at the door is a challenge many in business face, not just procurement professionals.

The conference I attended was HeadTorch's #WorksMental in Glasgow. I was official tweeter sharing some of the snippets from the day, and connecting with other's from around the world also speaking about mental health whether at Davos, Westminster Palace's #Headstogether, or BellsLetsTalk over in Canada! (see the # link for more on the tweets shared).

The picture below shows us all celebrating our #mentalhealth, and acknowledging that it's something we all have, 100% of us, with NO exceptions. Acknowledging that just like physical health, mental health is something where we all have good days, great days, meh days and bad days. 

The challenge is whilst physical health is generally talked about and accepted in organisations, there's still a stigma associated with talking about mental health.

As I heard the stories of managers reactions to those with mental health difficulties today I was appalled and saddened. Bullying behaviour, disrespect, abusive language all being validated by the words "That's just the way business is"!

Interesting to consider of course that those business leaderships wouldn't feel the need to justify their behaviour if they thought it was acceptable.

With January 20th, and the presidential inauguration fast approaching, I'm also reminded of similar bullying responses that seem to suggest "That's just the way politics is" too! The same self interest, protectionism, bullying behaviour that justifies inhumane treatment has been seen there too.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and change the situation - but I can't - not over night anyway.

Here's where my thoughts are on WHAT WE CAN DO:

If "it's just the way business is" then it's like that because people acted without humanity and people accepted it. Over time we learnt that the values that drive our actions outside of work are certainly not the ones that can or should drive our actions at work! Somewhere along the lines we all started to believe the lie "That's just the way business is" and started to act from that belief. We accepted or turned a blind eye to those actions that, if undertaken in our personal lives, would have us disowning or walking away from the relationship.

I often get told I'm naive to expect business to operate differently. I also get told:

• You can't do that in business (about some of the unconventional tools I use) - when I do do that in business  
• You can't be honest to a supplier - when I get GREAT deals from suppliers by being honest
• You can't turn down work when you have no work just because it's unethical - when I did just that and survived to tell the tale, and didn't compromise my values as a result!

I also get told 

• You're different - you're not like the wolf like purchasers 
• It's a refreshing change for a purchaser to act like that

I'm not that different really - all I've done is not accept the belief that I have to leave my humanity at the door when I'm working.

Yes it is that simple.

Before you start with "But that won't work" or "If I do I'll get abused/harassed for it", please hear me out.

Firstly who is this "business" you're talking about - are you not a part of this entity called a business? And if so what are you doing to change your own actions to align with this better business we want to see in the world.

If you believe it won't work, and that's your reaction before you've tried doing it then you are still believing that business can not change - belief in the possible has to come first, otherwise change will never be possible.

I was the same over 11 years ago - I felt dis-empowered, bullied, and couldn't see that there was a different way for business to operate. Time and distance provides a perspective that says business can be all the positive things we want it to be - we just have to believe that it's possible.

It doesn't come, however, without making difficult decisions.

Just like the bullied wife, who can't see beyond the belief of her husband that she's worthless without him, and thus so far has stayed and put up with the bullying, disrespect, abusive language, self interest and protectionism, we each have a choice:

• Leave and find a relationship that enables us to take our humanity to work every day
• Have faith in the underlying humanity of the other person and work on the relationship, so it may grow into it's full potential 
• Continue to believe the lies that "that's just the way it is", and accept the consequences of that decision  

Together we can bring humanity back into business - we just have to believe it!

PS: Having just returned from hearing astronaut Colonel Chris Hadfield speak I've written a post "the sky is not the limit" where I end with the words:

"If humanity can do the impossible and go to the moon, humanity can certainly do the impossible and go into the board room." 

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change inside and out

To provide more evidence of the possibility of taking our humanity to work I'm wanting to interview organisations where humanity is embraced in all of its daily actions, and especially procurement. I'm hoping that will include B Corporations, and that The Elders may also be able to point me in the right direction. Any suggestions of organisations to talk do please do get in touch +44(0)7770 538159 alison@alisonsmith.eu.

Attendance at other #worksmental conferences have had me writing the following posts:

• Let's talk about it - notes from January 2016 conference
• Are you a toxic leader - arising from an agenda item at Jan 2016 
• Is your head in the sand - about our contribution to others' mental health - because whether we like it or not we will be impacting others mental health - positively and negatively
• It's not about the toast - notes from May 2013 conference

And some posts aimed at Procurement professionals:

• How's your supplier's mental health
• Are your supplier's afraid to say no
• Is there room for kindness in procurement

Nudges in performance

I've just posted a blog over on LinkedIn entitled:

Nudging performance with Just In Time(JIT) and In The Moment (ITM) Interventions

It encourages us to proactively plan for the nudges rather than wait for them to happen - after all if it's anything like a recent Excel nudge in my performance I'd been doing it the long way round for years!

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change - inside and out

The Purchasing Coach: Services for 2017

Last week in my blog I explored the topics that make me tick - those topics that inspire my action (including the odd rant), and that are subjects that I share often in the procurement consultancy, speaking, training, facilitation and coaching (1:1 or 1:3) work that I do. They're also subjects that I have expertise in, enjoy, and that also make a difference when applied well.

Posts have covered the following topics (follow the hypertext link in the heading to the post I wrote on the subject):

• Procurement in large corporate organisations - because it's the environment I've worked in for over 30 years. (Did I really type that? Although more can be found about the journey of working for myself in my happy 10th anniversary blog written in March 2016.)

• Inspiring change - because effective change comes from motivated people. 

• Creativity and Innovation - because there's a law of diminishing returns, and if we keep doing what we've always done we get what we're always got! 

(The plate was made using Marianne Williamson's wonderful words - our deepest fear...)

• Soft skills - because if achieving your goals relies on working with other people soft skills are the fastest way of unlocking misunderstandings and achieving results.

• Language - because words have power, and we often unconsciously use words that promote failure and hinder success.  

• Use of unconventional tools - because the tools I use are particularly good at bypassing barriers or resistance to change. 

• Don't leave your humanity at the door - because I get frustrated when I hear people tell me that we have to leave our authentic selves/humanity at the office door, and instead apply rules that cause other people and the planet great distress. I believe taking our humanity to work with us is what being a B Corp is all about, and is something I'm going to be talking to B Corporations about during the year. (Post script links to two posts that explain more about this. My response to the excuse for the lack of humanity in business "that's just the way business is", and "the sky is not the limit" a reminder that nothing is impossible.) 

I trust that has given you a sense of who I am, why I do what I do, how I do it, and started to perhaps give you a sense of the impact it can have on the individuals and teams I work with.

Another means of finding out more about who I am, what I do and the results achieved can be found be reading 2016: My year in blogs which was written at the end of 2016.

Wishing you all a wonderfully creative and inspiring 2017, I do hope you'll get in touch to see how we may work together this year - directly or for your team or clients.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Using unconventional tool to unlock the potential of procurement teams

To find out more about how I might be able help you or your team to inspire change in 2017 do call me on +44(0)7770 538159 or email alison@alisonsmith.eu. I look forward to hearing from you.

The Purchasing Coach: Inspiring Change

I expressed much of what I'd like to say about inspiring change in a blog last year - so I will let you read it there rather than get in trouble with the SEO police and duplicate it again.

I'll just leave you with some images from other blogs I've written to give a sense of what my passion for inspiring change is all about.

If we're resisting change through down right strength of character

or thinking the grass is greener (click image to find more of Leigh Rubin's work)

perhaps because we have our head in the sand

or we're even stuck in a rut

we may keep doing the same thing and expecting different results 

(please note: please turn down the volume before listening to this)

 or we might be feeling a little deflated 

or off colour

We need to be inspired to be the change we wish to see in the world

That inspiration can come from many different sources, and posts earlier in the week on language, soft skills, and unconventional tools, and tomorrow's on creativity and innovation can point to potential solutions. Solutions that result in

Stepping out of the rut,

turning a corner,

breaking out of the mould,

understanding other's points of view,

simply taking personal responsibility for our own actions,

knowing what we need to stop doing

or knowing where we're headed and where we are in relation to that

Where in your life do you need to be inspired to change, and what will you to today to achieve the motivation to take that action?

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring Change Inside and Out

This first week of 2017 I'm exploring the topics that make me tick - those topics that inspire my action (including the odd rant), and that are subjects that I share often in the procurement consultancy, speaking and coaching work that I do. They're also subjects that I have expertise in, enjoy, and that also make a difference when applied well.

Posts so far this week have covered:

• Don't leave your humanity at the door - because I get frustrated when I hear people tell me that we have to leave our authentic selves/humanity at the office door, and instead apply rules that cause other people and the planet great distress. I believe taking our humanity to work with us is what being a B Corp is all about, and is something I'm going to be talking to B Corporations about during the year. 
• Language - because words have power, and we often unconsciously use words that hinder us achieving our goals.  
• Soft skills - because if your goals rely on working with other people soft skills are the fastest way to achieving your goals
• Use of unconventional tools - because they're particularly good at bypassing barriers to change. 
• Inspiring change - as above

Topics to be covered over the weekend include:

• Procurement in large corporate organisations - because it's the environment I've worked in for over 30 years. 
• Creativity and Innovation - because there's a law of diminishing returns, and if we keep doing what we've always done we get what we're always got!  

Another means of finding out more about who I am, what I do and the results achieved can be found be reading 2016: My year in blogs which was written at the end of 2016.

Are you on automatic pilot?

I've written many times in the past about not getting stuck on autopilot, the need to step out of our comfort zone or even comfort universe, and breaking out of the mould.

I'm not sure I'd truly understood what that meant, or perhaps the benefit of sustaining these new behaviours until now.

As part of my 4 new habits in 28 day challenge I decided to do one thing differently every day. I've updated the blog I wrote at the time to show a list of what I did differently over those 28 days.

In this post I'd like to share the insights I got from undertaking this seemingly simple habit.

There's certainly something counter intuitive about setting a goal of doing something different everyday - as if trying to make the spontaneous less so. That said it's been truly transformative.

the rest of this post has moved to my new website.

In conclusion doing something different every day enabled me to face some habits that were long over due an upgrade.

What will you do differently today?

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change - inside and out

More on the outcome of the 28 day challenge can be found here.

Hypertext links in the text above link to previous blogs on the subject

Day 23: 4 new habits in 28 days - if you keep doing what you've always done

As I reflected on the outcome of  'Doing something different' every for the last 23 days I was reminded of this landscaping your life vblog. You may want to turn your volume down before you have a listen.

Thinking about what to do differently everyday has brought into conscious awareness the habits I do - those habits where I may not even think about what to do I just do them as if by rote.

Habits such as:

• Sitting down to eat my evening meal and turning on the TV, and it then being on for the rest of the evening.
• Having a bath in the morning rather than a shower - irrespetctive of how much time I have. Allowing the bath to eat into my day despite what else I could be doing.
• Saying "No I'm ok with water" when asked if I want a tea/coffee mid way through a coaching session, and missing time out of the room to stretch my legs, and perhaps even a more comfortable watercooler/kettle conversation.
• Saying "No" to new things before I've considered if I would like to say "Yes" or the reason for my "No".

I'm sure there are others. 

What can you say "Yes" to today that you've been saying "No" to for too long despite getting an outcome you don't want? 

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring Change - Inside and Out

The 4 habits are:

1. I will consistently eat gluten free every day 21/23 (and nightshade (pots and toms) 20/23)
2. I will do my hip mobilisation every day 20/23
3. I will drink at least 2 litres of water every day 20/23
4. I will do at least one thing differently every day 21/23

The blog posts of the journey to embed 4 new habits in 28 days have so far included - finding the inspiration, vision and goal setting, setting targets, doing things differently, wavering, finding support, commitment, the danger of making assumptions, measuring progress, slaying the old habits and thoughts and, by use of the Frameworks for Change Coaching Process I use in coaching, being invited to be less perfect, and to be kinder to myself. I've also explored the situation using another coaching tool, soul collage cards, too - one using the interpretation of cards when I developed them, and one looking at them with fresh eyes.

Hypertext links in the text above link to previous blogs written on the subject.

#28daychallenge

Day 3: 4 new habits in 28 days - Doing something different

It does feel slightly counter intuitive to set the objective of making 'doing something different every day' a habit!

The reason for identifying 'doing something different' as a habit I'd like to work on, is that the more I use the 'doing something different' muscle, the more open I will be to change and new opportunities. 

Habits are mostly unconscious that's why we have them - because we don't need to give any conscious energy to doing them. I pick up my toothbrush in my right hand, and there's no energy needed to think about doing it - it's a routine I follow that's become automatic.

The problem arises when everything we do is a habit - as soon as someone suggests doing something different we freak out. Our brain goes into overload at the very thought of doing something a different way. After all, isn't the reason we have a habit, because we've already thought about the best, most effective, cheapest, easiest, most efficient way to do it, and are doing it that way?

The issue is, that over time things change - we change, our goals change, those around us change, the world changes. What was right even a few months ago might not be right now. Or perhaps it was never right, but it was just an easier habit to fall into than the alternative.

For example, I'm still one for going to London and hailing a cab, and yet cheaper options exist if I could release this habit and explore using Uber. Fear of the unknown is stopping me. 

Fear can be a great motivator for keeping the status quo. 

This is where 'doing things differently' comes in - we can teach fear not to react to these new situations as it has in the past. We can teach ourselves that the world doesn't stop going around if we try something new. 

These activities don't have to be something big - just small things every day that expand our comfort zone.

The rest of this post  has now been moved to my new website

Flexibility

I've just posted a very short YouTube video entitled Paths. A reminder that sometimes following the paths others have taken is the best option - especially if we want to avoid the nettles!

The vlog, or perhaps my reaction to it, reminds me about what a lot of my work as a coach entails - helping others understand the patterns they run that support them, and identifying and releasing those patterns that don't.

In other words many of our sources of greatest challenge can be found in a pattern that has us doing the opposite to what makes most sense!

I use 'patterns' as a term a lot but just in case we could be at cross purposes - the best way of describing patterns is as a set of learnt behaviours we use when in certain situations ie the alarm goes off and we do X,Y and then Z every day, or the set routines we use to do the work we do everyday, or clean the house, drive the car, or the buttons that get pressed and the predeterminable reactions we have every time someone mentions A to us or does K (think mums and clothes on your bedroom floor as a great example :-)).

That is when we run a pattern we no longer choose what to do next - we just do it - because that's who we are and that's what we do. (To find out more about their hold on us I wrote a blog earlier in the year about recurring patterns)

Sometimes even having a conversation with someone about them changing such a pattern can be met with much resistance "I'm me, why should I change, no one is going to make me change how I do what I do!". The answer in this blog on that subject reminds us: we don't have to change if we're getting the outcome we want - however if we're not getting the outcome we want then we can either keep trying to open a locked door by kicking it, or we can find the key and open it!

This vlog was interesting because it turned on its head the advice I'd often be sharing here - instead of forging your own path I'm suggesting sometimes it's better to just follow everyone else!! Better because in that situation it's the most logical, and the more effective and efficient means of achieving our goal.

I don't know about you but I react to such advice, and I mean react. As I now reflect on being told to follow others I am laughing at the inevitability of me then metaphorically opting to traipse through the nettles! 

Laughing at least means that a week after videoing the blog that the insight is at least starting to land. Yes Alison if you spent less time resisting following others and exclaiming "no one's going to tell me what to do" you might have energy left to do what you want to do when it really counts!

It's as if our patterns become synonymous with our identify - that is we link 'how we do things' (our patterns) to 'who we are' (our identity). I'm only me if I do something this particular way - in fact I'm not at all me if I achieve the outcome a different way, and especially if that way is how others do it!

Our values then get involved, and start to prescribe ways we're going to get a value met. Which means suddenly a recurring pattern becomes the only way we can get a value met, and therefore helps to explain why we're so resistant to changing it. If I think the only way to achieve freedom is to head off into the nettles I'll keep on doing it! (The link is to a blog where I tried to shake off the recurring pattern around not making decisions for fear of losing freedom.)

Just repeating a recurring pattern therefore might not be the best option - unless of course you have some dock leaves handy for when you get stung!

What buttons are being pressed for you today, and in what way are you forgetting that how you do something is not linked to your identity, and that there are numerous ways your values can be met?

Recurring Patterns

A lot of the work I do is about understanding patterns - whether patterns in spend data, patterns in supplier relationships or patterns in our lives.

Yesterday was no different, and started with this tweet from Terry W. Virts on the International Space Station:

Tweets then continued on the theme of patterns - those in nature and in life.

The day concluded with an interesting coaching session, and I share the under lying pattern here (with full and kind permission of the coachee).

The current chapter of the book I'm writing is about the repeating the patterns in our lives. The ones where you say "Not THIS again!", and then, only a few months later, seem to fall into the same pattern and realise here you are AGAIN!

When repeating patterns in our lives it's really easy to get hooked into the 'content' of the pattern. That is we prefer to believe that the other person or organisation is responsible for how we're feeling rather than us being responsible. So you might hear:

• "I know he is the 5th so 'n' so I've dated but did you hear what he said to me?" Rather than say "Why have I, yet again, found myself staying with a G!t." or
• "I know this is the 4th job I've had where they've taken advantage of me - but they really do need to get this manager sorted!" Rather than say "Why have I, yet again, ended up with a job where I'm allowing myself to be bullied"or    
• "I know this is the 6th job where I've repeatedly worked late but they really do need to stop giving me so much work - it's not fair." Rather than say "I wonder why I can't stop work at a reasonable hour?" or
• "I know this is the 7th friend who has taken advantage of me, and did you see what he said about me on Facebook?" Rather than "I wonder why I can't say "no" more often to others?"
• And so on.

The clue is the repetitiveness of the pattern - ie the only common denominator in this pattern is us. The question to be answered is therefore - how are we contributing to the situation? 

Please note - I'm NOT saying we're to blame for the bullying. I'm simply saying we're responsible for not walking away - again. 

Solutions to releasing the patterns above might be found by building self esteem, confidence or assertiveness skills. Sometimes the solution can be found in the past when we learnt the pattern (ie a behaviour might have worked when were 7 years old. We therefore keep repeating it believing it still to be a great strategy). Other times it's a bit like we're enjoying the hamster wheel of repetitions and don't really want to stop (example here when adrenaline is fuelling the repeated pattern). 

Last night my client was in full swing complaining about the other person - despite this being the nth situation just like it - just involving other people. After a little while I realised the solution in this situation might be found with another pattern.

A majority of the time we judge and get angry about others due to one of our values being compromised. (See the blog on values to understand how and why this happens. It helps explain why not everyone gets frustrated at the same behaviour.)

A small minority of the time we get angry or frustrated because a part of us wants to be more like the other person (bare with me - it will make sense).

For example viewed from both these viewpoints someone's selfish behaviour might illicit anger because:

• From a value of fairness: "it's not fair"
• From someone who is not selfish at all: "why can't I be more like that"

The problem is - if asked - the last thing you think you want to be is more like them. Which is why it's easier to stick with pointing the figure at the unacceptable behaviour and other person rather than your reaction to it.

This is what was happening last night.

Obviously when I said "I wonder if you want to be more like them" I was met with a resounding "Are you mad!"

I persevered (I'm good at that!). Believing it to be about them needing to be more selfish, and to put their needs on at least an even footing with others, I used a metaphor, and asked her to imagine the needs of other people to be in boxes.

We soon had an imaginary room full of different boxes of different sizes, shapes and colours representing the other people in her life.

I then asked her for the size, shape and colour of her own box.

I also asked her to imagine how other people she admired might imagine their own box to be like.

The answer she gave enabled us both to understand how she might need to be a little more selfish.

Suffice it to say this week's homeplay is for her to imagine her own box - to perhaps even get one in reality, and to bring it into the forefront of her mind and to play about with the representation. To explore what might help the imagined box (representing her needs) to have an appropriate relationship to the other boxes.

To notice what she noticed as she did this. To notice perhaps how, as she played with the box, her relationship with the other person changed (ie how the repeated pattern changed).

Too soon for news on progress, but a great example of how recurring patterns can be explored using the internal metaphor we're using to represent the situation.

What recurring patterns might you want to release? What benefit would releasing it have on your life, and what step do you need to take to achieve that?

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out

Previous blogs using nature to explore our less than helpful patterns have included:

• Incomplete patterns
• Are the patterns that drive your behaviour helpful
• How's the weather with you

More on the coaching I offer can be found here or call me on +44 (0)7770 538159 or email alison@alisonsmith.eu

Get outside

Whilst on holiday at the Obsidian Retreat in Spain the day started with a 5km walk. The reasons for this I'd assumed at the time to include:

• Getting lungs and body working early to continue to do so throughout the day
• Improved Fitness (the 4 hills certainly felt easier on day 7 versus day 1)
• Reminder of our commitment to exercise

What I think many of us took for granted, and therefore didn't even get into our conscious awareness, was the benefit of being outside.

I've been home for 2 weeks and, as I've been working from home, I've not been outside as much as usual and realise it was having a detrimental effect on my health. Open windows to let in the fresh sea air every morning just isn't an effective substitute.

I've blogged many times about the benefits of connecting to nature and the Landscaping Your Life process I use in business and with coaching clients uses nature as our teacher. It's just easy to forget the basics that can sustain our well being.

When will you next take some time in nature?

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out

Have you reached a Choice Point in your life?

A labour of love over the weekend pulling together a board of pins that reflected the learning from my attendance at the preview of the Choice Point film with reference to the book written by Harry Massey & David R Hamilton.

There's a great mix of insights from the famous (Richard Brason) to not so famous (Alison Pothier and Brett Moran) and from all around the globe.

It's about many things that resonate with me: being the change, interconnectedness, aligning our purpose, making a difference, listening to our own inner wisdom. The title comes from a quote by Gregg Braden.

"Each time the cycle comes to an end it opens a window of opportunity called a Choice Point" 

The three steps highlighted in both the movie and the book are:

1: Understand your World

Which includes the patterns in our lives that are reflected in nature - observe the trends: the highs, the lows and ups and downs. It's only by understanding the patterns that we can flow with, not against, the river of opportunity. 

2: Align your Purpose

What are you good at, enjoy and have a passion for and how can that be aligned with what is already happening in the world?

3: Be the Change

No use waiting for others - if you want the world to change then you have to change and be the inspiration for others. Even if we only impact one person - that's great - because how can we know the ripples that will spread from that.

More can be found here on the Choice Point Web site and Facebook page. And for those with visual preferences through viewing my Pinterest board.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Sowing the seeds for change in Purchasing

Choice Point picture Source: christianreadsquran.wordpress.com via Alison on Pinterest