The belief that's keeping me sane

Yesterday I was paralyzed by a belief, and today I have a belief that is keeping me sane. "Everyone is doing the best they can." I don't doubt we could all do better, more and do it faster but we're not. We Are All Yes ALL Doing The Best We Can A belief that stops me spending time focusing on things that are outside my control. I trust the supermarket is doing their best. I trust Westminster is doing its best. I trust the NHS are doing their best. I trust that PPE buyers across the planet are dong their best. If I get distracted with judgement, blame and anger about things I have no control my energy plummets, my best is limited and my well-being is compromised. If I spend time gossiping and agreeing with others on things about which I have no control it's time I can't get back. If I allow them to focus on doing their best I can get on with doing my best. A best that includes constructively helping others to move from today's best to tomorrow's best. No blame about today just learning and insight applied to an ever developing best. What belief will support your best today?

Money mindset

“I’m not paying £6 for a small cup of hot chocolate” said my friend. As a procurement professional of many years I could have chosen to take the conversation in many directions - after all the other drinks on the menu were comparatively priced with other local cafes, and we were in a chocolate shop. Instead I responded “what does that say about how people should react to your own prices?” I’m not suggesting we pay what ever is asked without consideration of the going rate for that product or service. I am however suggesting we also pay attention to our own energy around payment to others. It can’t be true that we are always worth what we ask for payment and others are definitely not. It can’t be true that we are worth what we are paid to do our job and yet others should provide theirs for free. It can’t be true When you’re next begrudging paying someone you may want to spend a few moments exploring the beliefs that are driving that reaction. hashtag

What should you call your soft skills?

At the CIPS East of Scotland branch meeting last week I gave a talk on Soft Skills - skills that for example include motivation, communication, influencing, change management, decision making, time management and so on (more on what I spoke about here).

One of the subjects we touched on was the use of 'soft' skills as the term used to describe these essential skills.

I've ranted before that soft skills aren't something that only those in touch with their emotions have. They're something we all have, and use daily. Soft skills are how we do what we do, and their effective use will make a huge impact on the outcome we get.

When I asked about the use of the word 'soft' last week, people suggested the term conveyed that they were unimportant or weak skills.

You only have to look at the power of water ie something seemingly very soft to realise that soft shouldn't mean weak nor unimportant.

It still raises the question about whether we should give these skills a different name? What about:

• People skills
• Emotional Intelligence 
• Behavioural skills
• Essential skills
• Social skills
• Humanity skills 

I suspect however, that we end up with the same issue. Perhaps it's not 'soft' that generates the belief that they're unimportant, it's that they're unconscious, below the surface, and linked to our emotions and our humanity that makes them scary, and something therefore to be ignored or avoided. (Perhaps time to let go of the musts, oughts and shoulds about what is and isn't appropriate in business?) 

With that in mind, we can call them what we want and people are still going to resist exploring them.

One solution might be to link the skills to the outcome they help you achieve, for example why not call them:

• The skills that get you the job
• The skills that get you through your day
• The skills that help you prepare for your retirement!
• The skills that mean you can afford to go on fabulous holidays 
• The skills that help you cope with people in your life 
• The skills that add meaning to your day
• The skills that keep the roof over your head
• The skills that get you out of bed every day
• The skills that help you decide what to to
• The skills that keep you out of danger (or try to)
• The skills that help you open your mouth and say what you want to say when you want to say it
• The skills that help you change a boring day into an exciting one
• and so on

My recommendation therefore is to find a term that makes most sense for you personally. A term for the skills that will inspire your action to review your current competency of a skill, and also inspire action to develop the skill further too.  

What will you call these very essential skills that support your humanity?

Alison Smith
Unlocking personal, procurement and organisational potential using unconventional tools
alison@alisonsmith.eu +44(0)7770 538159

I've developed a Soft Skills Toolkit. The aim of the toolkit is to provide discussion points for personal or group exploration of your soft skills, allowing you to understand what options you have, should you decide to develop a particular soft skill.

There's 2 versions of the toolkit - Dear Procurement, with love from your soft skills aimed at procurement professionals, and Dear Human Being, with love from your soft skills aimed at a wider business audience. They're only £4.99 for personal use, with pricing available on request for organisational use.

How do you spell CAN'T?

**

I was mid moan saying I couldn't do something in personal training when Gavin, my personal trainer, asked:

"How do you spell CAN'T?"

When I looked quizzically at him his response was:

"W  O  N  T."

Four letters that make such a difference W  O  N  T.

Which, as with other similar one liners from him in the past, stopped me in my tracks.

I'm very quick to pick up on other's language when it's inconsistent with their stated goal but often fail to recognise when I'm doing the same. 

Use of "can't" conveys an element of impossibility, of thresholds being met and of potential already achieved, with no further room for improvement or excellence.

Use of "won't" conveys a different situation altogether. One of potential resistance, where a decision has been made from the mind rather than based on the experience of trying and evidence.

A great reminder of the magic that can be found by choosing the right words in any situation.

As Gavin often tells me - my body can stand almost anything, it's my mind that I certainly have to convince! 

Onwards and upwards on the ongoing battle between head and body!

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach 

Inspiring change inside and out 

** NB Picture at the top taken on one of the rare days I didn't moan! 

Is Procurement like Mr Wolf or enlightened?

We delivered a workshop last week to an organisation's c-suite more used to selling to procurement than getting involved in procurement itself.

What an eye opener, and my advice to any buyer is to do it soon - get in a room full of suppliers (even better your own suppliers), and listen to what they have to say. You might not like hearing what they have to say, but you'll certainly learn a lot as a result! (Ditto for suppliers - find out more about the buyer).

It came as a shock to be described as Mr Wolf

Especially when I see myself more angelic - even if more like this warrior angel!

Mr wolf lies, is very selfish, doesn't listen, and is only interested in constant price reduction year after year after year after year!

Here's the flip charts from the session, they differentiate between the 2 types of procurement these representatives of procurement's suppliers come across. That said they felt they came across Mr Wolf much more often than the enlightened procurement person.

Although I soon realised when they said 'cost' they were really only talking about 'price'!

I was appalled, angry and surprised that there were still so many buyers out there like Mr Wolf, and that I may even sometimes be confused as being one of them

In addition to being appalled I also wondered how much the stereotypes we have for buyers and suppliers impact how we act.

I'd like to hope that suppliers test the water first to determine which type of procurement they're dealing with rather than make an assumption it's Mr Wolf, and act accordingly.

Similarly I'd like to hope that procurement do the same - test the water and determine whether it's a  "everyone for themselves" scenario, or a "win/win" situation.

In reality though how much testing of the water do you think goes on - for buyer or supplier?

Without the testing, and amendment of the strategy to align with the characteristics of the other party, all we can do is fall back on the stereotypes we have for the other party we're entering into battle/communication with.

Which begs the question - whose stereotype determines the roles we adopt - are there really so many wolves out there in procurement, or do they only spring into action as a result of supplier's behaviours? (You know me I love a good metaphor and may write another blog exploring the metaphors and games that arise from their adoption.)

When did you last update your stereotype for buyers or suppliers, and how will that change how you act next time you come face to face with the enemy/ opposition/ partner in crime/ other half/ soul mate? More on this post too challenging suppliers to change the stereotype too.

Always happy to help explore how your internal metaphors, beliefs and language may be hindering you from achieving your goals - organisationally, within procurement, or individually.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change inside and out

The prevalence of Mr Wolf also points to the lie that soft skills are in the spot light again with CPO's and Procurement.

I realise on reflection that Mr Wolf isn't too far away from the characteristics used to define toxic leadership the other week:

• Self-centered attitudes, motivations and behaviours
• A lack of concern for others
• Inflated sense of self-worth
• Acute self-interest

Now that's made me very sad indeed. 

Values and Beliefs

Post has moved to my new website

Judgements are simply assumptions

Judgements are simply assumptions and as the saying goes assumptions make an ass (out of) u (and) me.

Of course we make judgements based on evidence but that doesn't mean that we're right, and that anyone with an alternate view is wrong. Yet that's often what we think, what we react to and act upon.

First let's think about all the different things we can make a judgement on other people about:

• cleanliness, style, time keeping, expertise, technical skills, interpersonal skills, confidence, respect, honesty, trustworthiness and so on. 

As the above list progresses the criteria we're using is going to get more and more personal. That is expertise is easier to judge than honesty and also going to be easier to get agreement with others on too. Honesty and trustworthiness are in the eye of the beholder and yet are often judged very quickly.

Let's take honesty. Think for a moment how your judgement that someone is dishonest impacts how you relate to them.

• You might ignore them
• You might gossip about them
• You might not tell them the truth
• You might not provide them with the support they need
• You might be wary around them
• You might talk to them with a certain tonality
• You might not give them overtime or specific responsibilities
• And so on

All these just because you judged them to be dishonest!

Do you think these behaviours all support your ability to effectively communicate with and influence that person? Ok if you don't need to but a spanner in the works if you do.

Think for a moment though how do you define dishonesty?  In fact why not jot a list down of what behaviours mean someone is dishonest.

I do think jotting the list down would be a good idea because it will help me make my point :-).

Go on - it won't take long.

I'm not going anywhere.

Just a couple of criteria - dishonesty looks like this, or sounds like this.

Just for me :-)

Pretty please. 

Ok if you're not going to write a list here's an imaginary one (just don't judge me when you start disagreeing with it ;-)).

Dishonesty is demonstrated when someone:

• Says one thing to me, and the opposite to someone else
• Says something, and then later changes their mind to suit the situation, ignoring the earlier statement
• Compliments me with a certain tonality (when it feels like it's just on their list of things to do)
• Says they'll do something by a certain date and then doesn't do it

Would your list have been different?

 

That's the point really how I judge honesty and how you judge it aren't likely to match.

Continuing with dishonesty, and that list of dishonest behaviours you wrote down. 

• Do other people agree with you? 
• Could there be other reasons for those behaviours?
• Does that behaviour always mean someone is dishonest? a 100 % of the time ? always? for everyone? 
• Have you ever demonstrated that behaviour and it mean something else? 
• Have other people demonstrated that behaviour and you still consider them to be honest? 
• How might that behaviour actually mean they are being honest?

The level of emotion you have around this, and rigour with which you hold on to your criteria, will also depend on how much you value honesty. Discussing the criteria for 'respect' or 'fairness' might provide for more or less emotion for you? (See this blog post on values to explore that more.) 

The aim here is to loosen your judgement that x behaviour means y intent. To take the level of emotion out of a situation so that you can observe a behaviour and understand that your judgement of it might not be correct. Once that's possible then influencing and communication becomes a whole lot easier because your judgement isn't getting in the way, and is no longer causing that list of behaviours I wrote at the start of this post.

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out - when what you're doing isn't working

I've written a couple of blog post previously on honesty - one is more of a theoretical exploration and the other is a short story entitled 'iPhone iPhone in my hand' (I know a story isn't everyone's cup of tea - but isn't that what this series of blogs is all about - realising how we learn, communicate, judge, react and the like are unique and personal to each of us. The challenge is ensuring any communication, influencing strategy or change programme takes account of peoples unique preferences and provides options to keep everyone covered).

As I've been writing this series of blogs on influencing, change management and communication I've ended up writing a number of blogs I hadn't originally planned because they were needed to support the blogs I had written.

• The need to calibrate an individual was one.
• Not treating others as we would wish to be treated was another.
• Influencing not being about manipulation
• And Judgement today

They're underlying principles that support the process of influencing. I wonder where this exploration will take me next week - any suggestions most welcome.

Ethical behaviour comes with integrity

I've been thinking about business ethics in advance of a session I'm facilitating on 2nd October on 'Business values and ethics' near Perth for the Scottish Institute of Business Leaders (still places left I believe).

I wondered about waiting to share this blog until after that session. Instead I share it now and would love to hear your thoughts so that they may inform, and provide additional insight, for the session next month.

Everyone has a belief about what ethical behaviour looks like in business. It's doing this or its not doing that. I'm sure, even if as a group we started with very different opinions, we could, after some debate, identify a short list of what ethical behaviour is in business. 

The challenge is can we organisationally and personally live up to those ideals?

Our values are what determine our individual actions. That is they determine what we do, what we won't do and the choices we make. As we have a number of values the hierarchy of these will also impact our behaviours.

For example - if you have values of achievement and connection the order of these would impact the decision you make - ie whether you stay at work till 20:00 to finish a piece of work or go home to read the kids a story instead. If you also have security as a value then the decision may be different. A higher priority to having your need for security met allowing you to stay at work even if at the expense of not connecting with the kids. (I'm obviously making huge assumptions about what achievement, connection and security looks like. After all achievement might be having happy kids and nothing to do with success at work - but that's another blog.)

Maintaining ethical behaviour, whether personally or organisationally, therefore, requires a value of integrity to be top of the list. Otherwise other values may mean we end up supporting unethical behaviour and may even do it ourselves. 

Ethical behaviour means saying "no" when asked to do something we know to be wrong. Ethical behaviour might even mean leaving a job or leaving a relationship because we know what we're being asked to do is wrong. The issue is we don't - we justify our support of unethical behaviour as acceptable because, to us, the consequences are too high.

• I can't say no to my boss because I might lose my job
• I can't make the right decision because it will impact my bonus
• I can't do that because I may lose my house
• I can't whistle blow I might be thrown out of my country

In other words if I stand up for what I know to be right the situation will be worse for me and at a level that I'm not prepared to accept.

Unfortunately unless we're prepared to live with the consequences above then we'll all continue to make some decisions that support unethical behaviours! Yes seriously. 

The problem is I'm sure any political, economic, social, or environmental crisis has the seeds in the same quandary. People making decisions that ensured they weren't personally negatively impacted by the decisions being made. 

I've said no in the past that had the potential to put my house and living on the line - it wasn't because it was practically easier for me than anyone else it was because I have a value of integrity higher up my list of values than security or many other values that might have me say "yes". It not right or wrong - it just is. 

I don't know the answer - I'm not sure there is one. 

Although the belief I have is unless we each choose integrity as our highest value nothing is going to change. However, with my values hierarchy, of course that would be my solution :-) - what's yours? 

Alison Smith

Inspiring change inside and out

I realise I need to return to my blog on Maslow's hierarchy of needs to see how that informs this topic. There's also a blog on why I don't think business values exist that will provide input and I concede that sometimes decisions are being made without our knowledge. 

Would it make a difference if we used i?

Our unconcious picks up so much that we're never consciously aware of. Yet what we're picking up can have a significant impact on our values, beliefs and, therefore, ultimately on our behaviours and actions.

It's why product placement is an increasing solution in marketing, it's why many magicians and stage hypnotists manage to fool us and it's also how cultures emerge, develop and take hold.

Today I was wondering why 'I' had a capital when 'us', 'we', 'team' and so on don't. That had me then wondering what the use of a capital when using i may have conveyed unconsciously.

• we're more important than others?
• I is better than we or working with others?

No answers here today - just food for thought. A gentle reminder that the words and visuals we use daily may be having a positive or negative impact on our relations with others without us even being consciously aware of it.

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out

Looking for the worst in people

In yesterday's blog I shared a card from the set I use when coaching clients. Today I'd like to share a couple more starting with this setback:

• Looking for the worst in people? Expecting the worst situations? No wonder you live in a hostile and painful world *

This points to the fact that our thoughts have a significant impact on our reality. If I perceive the world as hostile I'll set my internal filters to notice all the hostile acts and ignore all the peaceful and loving acts. If I perceive the world as hostile I'll become defensive and look after myself and not think of others. If I perceive the world as hostile I'll judge every situation, every action, every word from that perception. Every person I encounter will be a potential threat and every event a potential disaster.

Even as I write the words I can feel my shoulders tightening and my face starting to grimace. Not a position it's easy to start being positive from or to start seeing the opportunities that exist within.

This second insight provides the antidote.

• You use your critical perceptions to draw forth perfection, not tear it down *

A great reminder that we have a choice of how we use our minds. We can perceive the hostile and spiral down or perceive the opportunities and spiral up.

Next time you notice your thoughts spiralling down remember you have a choice to change direction.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Drawing forth perfection in purchasing not tearing it down

Picture above links to a video source: youtube.com via Alison on Pinterest

 It can be viewed directly here (it's a great reminder that even security camera's view the positive too - we just use them more often to focus on the opposite)

* The insight & setback cards used here are from the Transformation Game © Innerlinks - www.innerlinks.com.

The conspiracies we support on our wellbeing

I don't generally buy into conspiracy theories - you know the ones where political and self interest motivations are given as reasons for us being manipulated into believing an event happened a particular way - like going to the moon - when in in fact the theory suggests it didn't ever happen.

For me the reason many of these theories remain as as just theories and not proven fact is because despite the evidence put forward to refute that the event ever happened:

• There's always evidence it did
• There's always arguments that explain away the conspiracy theorists 'evidence'

and the most compelling for me and the definition of a true conspiracy theory is:

• No one ever comes forward and says "here's the evidence of what did happen instead" 

If this later criteria is not met then I'd suggest it's not a conspiracy theory either.

However I am starting to wonder about the conspiracy we're all buying into with respect to our well being. Perhaps conspiracy is the wrong word - but use of conspiracy at least acknowledges that we're presenting facts in a way to distort them. And whilst I could point fingers at manufacturers & pharmaceutical companies it's us that I'm accusing of conspiring together - after all they argue they're only giving us what we say we want. Why conspiracy - because we'd prefer to bury our heads in the sand and believe the stories we're telling ourselves than make the changes we know we should be making. In fact we so don't want it to be true we label the facts as 'conspiracies' and the 'conspiracies' as facts!

I know I might be at one end of the continuum on well being from others and of course I realise I may too be buying into just a different conspiracy theory but I can't help but feel we all know that too much of the following can negatively impact our health:

• smoking
• alcohol
• sugar
• salt
• the wrong sort of fats 
• processed foods
• couch potato like tendancies 

and at an individual level we may also have allergies (that we generally do take action on) or intolerances or reactions to other food groups such as, but certainly not limited to:

• dairy
• wheat
• nightshades - pots, toms, peppers
• preservatives & chemicals
• meat
• carbs (too many of them anyway)
• etc

It's such a shame that most of us only make changes when provided with the motivation to do so via ill health - sometimes too late to make changes that would determine a different outcome. Instead we ignore the signs along the way such as fatigue, nervousness, irritability, digestive upsets, aches and pains etc and put them down to age, too much work, not enough sleep last night etc. (Here's a blog I wrote earlier this week on the illusion of the quick fix both in well being and business.)

The impact ignoring the above has will be different for each of us because, unlike going to the moon where there is only one way it happened, we're each unique and impacted by different things. The question remains though - what conspiracy do you know you need to stop believing and what changes will you make?

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Sowing the seeds for effective purchasing and also for well being & life balance for purchasers and non purchasers alike.

Source: en.wikipedia.org via Alison on Pinterest

The Map is not the Territory

NLP has a number of operating beliefs that it invites us to try on and notice the impact they have on us. One such belief or presupposition is 'The map is not the territory'

What is a map? It's a condensed representation of reality (the territory). It generalises, deletes and can sometimes distort. You can get lots of different maps for the same location - different scales, different focus (contours, paths, places of interest, trig points etc), different sizes, colour coded and so on. You know when you use a map that it doesn't exactly represent the location, but if you've picked the right one know you've got the relevant information you need. So if you're driving you won't pick up the walking map and visa verse. However just think how differently you'd see the world from each map? Neither is right or wrong just coming from a different perspective.

That's what our memories are like? Maps of events based on where our limited attention was focused. So my 'map' of an event may be very different to someone elses 'map'.

Remembering that the map is not the territory can be very helpful in communication. Sometimes it's very easy to express something as if it's the truth rather than our belief or our interpretation of the situation. If we remember that our memory of an event will have generalised, deleted and distorted as much as a real map it can't help but change how we communicate. Remembering of course that the other person has their own map too.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Sowing the seeds for effective communication in Purchasing

This post is part of a series introducing some NLP tools and techniques that can significantly improve your stakeholder engagement, communication and team working.

Picture source: anthonyuu.wordpress.com via Alison on Pinterest