Friday 9 January 2015

"I don't do soft fluffy stuff"

Walk the talk Alison and wait till you calm down.

No I'm just going to type away and apologise ahead of time if the tone gets in the way of the message - I'm angry........

A reaction I sometimes get when I explain about the coaching I do, or perhaps more appropriately the tools I use is: 

"oh I don't do fluffy stuff"

Or even worse

"well yes I get the relevance of the work you do but it's just too fluffy for those I work with"

You see - whether we think they're fluffy or not we do all do this stuff. When saying you don't do fluffy stuff you might as well be saying "I'm not a human". In other words unless you're an android, you do have:
  • A body with certain needs to keep it functioning
  • A mind that works in a particular way
  • Emotions that impact you every minute of every day
  • Values that determine your every action (and these come from - dare I say it - your heart!)
  • Beliefs that support these values in all the judgements you make
  • Memories that impact how you behave
  • Skills that you learned in your own specific way
  • Behaviours that push, or otherwise, other people's buttons
All of these come with you where ever you go and cannot, I repeat can not, get left at the door when you walk into work - they're with you 24/7 365 every year of your life.

Actually I've changed my mind - it seems we're a lot like androids with:
  • A specification we were built to
  • Specific memory that can get overloaded  
  • Different operating programmes
  • Software programmes that ensure we function
  • Maintenance schedules to keep us operating efficiently
  • A need for reprogramming and upgrades
  • and yet still crash occasionally with the need for the helpdesk 
The difference between androids and humans are obviously many. However the main one of relevance here is whilst androids have a helpful operating manual - humans don't. Although many of the NLP, emotional intelligence and personality typing theories and models (you know the fluffy stuff above) would go some way to providing input into developing your own personal operating manual.

The challenge when we're not succeeding is we do really need to understand our own operating manual.

Of course we can try to emulate the likes of the the Dragons, Richard Branson or Arianne Huffington but we don't have their memories, experiences, mind, body or emotions. So whilst we can model what they do we will need to understand how that can be translated into our own operating language.

"There's plenty of people out there who don't do this fluffy stuff"

Great and if you can do that and succeed, and achieve what you want from life - then as they say "fill your boots". But let's get this clear - you may not know about the fluffy stuff - but since bicentennial
man is a long way away - you are still doing the fluffy stuff - you can't help but not do.

This blog isn't about saying everyone has to learn everything about this 'fluffy stuff'. However it helps to acknowledge that is does have baring on what you do every minute of every day.

As the over used saying goes:

"If you keep doing what you've always done you'll get what you've always got"

In other words if you're not succeeding then change what you're doing. Of course you can do this without understanding or looking at your operating manual (yes the fluffy) but it is a little more hit and miss. If you get out your operating manual then you can really start to understand why you're not getting the results you want.

Ignoring the "fluff" when you're stuck is like:
  • Getting the plumber to cut your hair
  • Knowing your car keys are in your coat pocket and looking everywhere else for them
  • Putting your chicken in the fridge and expecting it to roast
  • Putting diesel in your petrol car and blaming the car
  • Buying a ticket to London when your meeting is in Edinburgh
  • Arranging the meeting for Wednesday and turning up on Thursday
"It's everyone else fault I'm not getting what I want"

No it's not and you know it - even if it is only that inner voice (sorry is that too fluffy) that knows it.

That's right the fluffy stuff can help answer why you're not moving forward in the direction you want. Of course goal setting will help and all the other things I've blogged about this month. If you've tried that, however, and are still not getting where you wanted something else is stopping you.

I hate to say it but the solution is likely to be found right in the middle of all that lovely fluff.

Do you want to know why your fluff has the answer - because *said in a whisper* it could just be one of the following that's getting in your way of results, success and the achievement you've always dreamed of:
  • Your relationships with other people
  • Your arrogance
  • Your bullying behaviour
  • Your lack of confidence
  • Unhelpful beliefs
  • Fear - of success, failure, other people or even flying
  • Overly restrictive values
  • Resistance to change
  • Conflicting values (a biggie)
  • Abuse from others
  • Lack of trust
  • Inability to control your emotions
  • Unhealthy choices
  • Negativity
  • Too much positivity
I'm sorry if that got too fluffy - but that's the reality of being human.

As a result of the life you've lived you are who you are and some of those experiences will have been helpful and others not. We just sometime need a little help from the helpdesk to reprogramme, upgrade or uncorrupt some of our software scripts.

Unless you're happy not achieving your goals of course.

I hope I have persuaded you of the relevance of the fluff even if I would prefer we called it personal development or something like that. The sad reality is most people reading this will agree with me, and already take ownership for exploring the fluff to find what's holding them back. I just hope that a few people out there who usually dis the fluff may have had their minds changed. Happy to have a chat to discuss more fully +44 (0)7770 538159.

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out - when what you're doing isn't working - and yes sometimes just having a rant!

And for the eagle eyed followers of my blog amongst you, yes this was written later in the month and put back here because I didn't want it to get in the flow of blogs on achieving your goals.

1 comment:

  1. Maybe the only ones who really don't do the fluffy stuff are psychopaths?
    My labels might be 'interpersonal stuff' or 'relational stuff'