Are you feeling festive?

My social media feed is full of people saying that they're now feeling festive. Generally this feeling has been preceded by seeing or doing something - whether that's receiving their first Christmas card, wrapping the presents, singing the first carol or, as in my case, decorating the tree. 

In other words we're attributing a feeling we're having to an external stimulus. 

It's interesting that we often forget this wonderful strategy when we're in need of changing how we're feeling. I'm sure we can all recall times when for example being more confident, positive, calm, or focused is eluding us, and yet is just what we do need for the task in hand.

We have a choice in that moment about staying with the state of mind we're in, or doing something to change it.  

It's a bit like the song that's just started playing on my ipad - we have a choice what style we sing Hark the Herald angels in. We don't have to end as we started. In any moment we're free to turn the dial up or down, to find just the right emotion we need. 

   

I've written before about my prescription for positivity. It's a checklist I have for things I know shift my state to a more positive one. A list that includes listening to songs that help, and will now have another Pentatonix song added to it "Mary did you know" - which gives me goosebumps and a sense of connection with all that is, and of hope for the future. A sense of hope that I take into my work after listening to it. (Or perhaps I'm just in a Pentatonix sort of mood :-) - they were recently on The Voice over in the US singing Jolene with Dolly and Miley!)

The prescriptions we have to achieve any emotion will be unique, and will also include things to stop doing as much as things to start doing as I wrote about in posts about happiness, not spending time with miserable mackerels, or sitting at my desk and trying to be creative!

Other posts I've written have explored the strategies we may employ to achieve states of mind such as creativity, more bounce, and presence. 

Using external triggers to shift our state of mind is also a frequent theme I explore over on Landscaping your Life where I use nature to inspire change - posts have included confidence, and speaking with confidence.       

What state of mind do you need to achieve your goals today, and what do you need to do to be fully present in that state?   

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach

Inspiring change inside and out

and sometimes feeling festive may just require waiting for a different time of day!

Follow the hypertext links in the text to other posts I've written on the subjects highlighted.

Is your head in the sand?

I'm sure your answer to the question "Is your head in the sand" will have been "No."

The challenge I'm setting everyone reading this post is to determine what behaviour(s) you have your head in the sand about, and identify how you're going to take your head out of the sand, and take responsibility for the impact of these behaviours.

So often a manager or leader will say that their team needs to become more self aware, and yet they are totally head in the sand about their own level of self awareness. Completely oblivious about the negative impact their behaviours have on others, and yet often able to see the behaviour in others. (I've written a couple of blogs on how our judgement of others may just be a sign there's something, in the behaviour we're judging the other for, that we can learn from - one blog uses nature, and the other is much more logical. Follow the hypertext links to learn more,)

One model that helps demonstrate what's going on, even if it doesn't solve the problem, is Ingham and Luft's Johari Window :

We might know more about ourself than others do  

 or they may know more about us then we do

 And always there's an "unknown", that may get smaller, but always hidden from everyone.

I'd suggest there's another model that aligns with, and confuses this analysis.

That's because before something is consciously known to us it's unconsciously not known to us - that is we're unconsciously incompetent, and then aim to be consciously competent via conscious incompetence before finishing at unconscious competence (see here for more on this model).

If I mix the 2 models - we can believe we know something about ourself but other's know it to be inaccurate. That is I'm unconsciously incompetent about a blind spot, even if I believe myself to be unconsciously competent, and open about it!!

So how do we do what today's Osho card invites us to do, and become more aware about all of who we are, and therefore be able to take responsibility for how our behaviours positively, and perhaps more importantly negatively, impact others?

The solution I believe will be found in one of the following:

• Firstly remembering we're looking for something hidden or unknown by us about ourselves - so common reactions when we start exploring the evidence may be disbelief, denial, anger, or resistance , or even rushing to put your head back in the sand.

Or perhaps more helpfully:

• Asking your manager for feedback, and paying attention to it
• Asking your team for feedback - and not closing them down defensively with a "I know that" before they've finished
• Asking others you work with for feedback
• Observation - observing what reaction you get from others - and taking ownership for the response you get rather than blaming the other person
• Discovery - self awareness about your identify, values, beliefs, skills and behaviours - ie what makes you tick, and why do you judge others as you do 
• Discovery about others you work with - what makes them tick, and what behaviours would make it easier to communicate with, and understand, them
• Coaching can be a great means of helping you expand what you know about yourself, and knowing what changes might be useful to help you achieve better results  
• Learning - this is where the learning ladder above works well with the Johari window - learning or relearning skills can help us understand areas where we were unconsciously incompetent that we didn't know what we didn't know about.

It's not an easy problem to solve, and yet if we could solve it I suspect we'd have less Toxic leaders  that I wrote about yesterday. The challenge is many of those toxic leaders will be sitting very firmly in the hidden or unknown box above, oblivious to the fact we're talking about them - talking about you?  

We all think we're different, and that any and all advice provided isn't directed at us - me included.

What happens however, if every sentence in this blog was directed at YOU? What happens if there was a behaviour, that you're oblivious to, that's stopping you or the organisation achieving its goals? What happens if there's a behaviour that every minute of every day is taking you further away from you achieving those goals. Wouldn't you want to know about it? Wouldn't you want to do something about it? Imagine for a moment what life could be like if you, and the organisation, could achieve the goals you've set yourselves?

The choice is yours - hunt for the hidden or unknown aspects of yourself, and increase the likelihood of you achieving your goals, or bury your head back in the sand, and keep getting the same results! 

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach 
Inspiring change inside and out - and here's why I think inspiring change is important

Hypertext links in the text either take you to blogs I've written on the subject, or to other sources of information about that subject. 

EQ Summit (The leader's mind and its potential)

I attended the EQ summit in London last week and these are just my notes for future reference with links to other blogs/YouTube clips, and other references relating to the content and speakers.

I share it here for ease, and in case anyone else is interested too.

Although please note this is the conference seen through my filters - others attending may have taken something totally different away from the sessions.

So why all the fuss about EQ?

Leaders with EQ:

• Bring out the best in others
• Super charge the capability in the organisation and unlock 'discretionary' effort
• Go with the human grain not against it
• Have people working for them who are 3 times as likely to stay
• Achieve extraordinary things as a result

The main sponsors/organisers and joint developers of the emotional capital report (ECR)

• Roche Martin
• Sheffield Hallam University
• Sheffield Business School

10 elements of the emotional capital report, and therefore the building blocks of EQ are:

• Self reliance
• Straightforwardness 
• Optimism 
• Self actualisation
• Self confidence
• Self knowing
• Relationship skills
• Adaptability
• Self Control
• Empathy

With excellent graphic facilitation from @simonheath1 - whose website can be found here and also wrote a pre summit summary of who would be talking, and did a great job of selling the event (Simon was the only reason I found out about the event).

The Speakers

Welcome - Amy Bernstein - editor at HBR

• "We can do a lot of things but we can't ignore people"
• "EQ is a major determinator on professional success" (What makes a leader - HBR article by Dan Goleman)
• "Mood is contagious and leaders set the tone"
• "Corporations newest productivity hack - meditation"

Emotional Capital - the asset on the balance sheet you can't afford to ignore - Dr Martyn Newman - author and MD at RocheMartin

• A great summary of a similar talk by Martyn, and a wonderfully animated video too, Emotional Capitalist - the new leaders.
• Emotional Capitalists - the ultimate guide to developing emotional intelligence for leaders - Martyn's book on the subject
• "We are profoundly connected to others and influenced by them"
• He told a great story about Apple's business success over Sony - due to Apple's ability to collaborate and work together, and Sony's lack of emotional capital. Something I'm sure Sony regret to this day. 
• Firms of endearment - a book on how world class companies profit from passion and purpose
• Understanding values of ourselves and others is key (ie our motivators)
• "What ever you find (when you look at yourself) you have to like"

"What lies before us and what lies behind us 
are but small matter compared to what lies within us. 
And when we bring what is within us into the world, 
miracles happen!" Henry David Thoreau

Better self, better leadership, better business
Jeremy Darroch - Sky CEO

• "EQ potential super charges the capability we have and unlocks 'discretionary' effort"
• CIPD article from the session - Empathy is the top leadership skill says SKY CEO 
• "EQ delivers a high performing environment - rejects complacency and embraces the new"

Grant Thornton - leadership EQ's impact on revenue
Breakout with Anne Blackie and Jenny Kidby

Programme to introduce EQ across the business to move from technical experts offering solutions (often short term) to transformational leaders co-creating solutions (longer term too).

That is put the expert's ego to one side and bring our wholeness to work (the emotional and real person).

• Leaders, drop your masks - HBR article by Peter Fuda
• "Now in zone of affection with clients"
• "Purpose not £"

Motivation, performance and purpose
Dan Pink - author

• "Reward of carrot and/or stick is outdated for the 21st century"
• "3 main motivators - autonomy, mastery and purpose"
• "Mastery - making progress in meaningful work" 
• "Purpose - Making a contribution or difference"
• "When asked 'tell me about your best boss' you never hear 'pathologically controlling' in the answer"
• HBR article on purpose/how/why - trying to find what my notes meant on this - will come back when I know more, and if you can shed any light I'd much appreciate comments below - thank you
• "Aim to tell people 2 less 'how's and 2 more 'why's" (links to the last comment)
• "The profit motive can be an engine for good"
• "You can go against the human grain, or with it"
• Dan Pink's talk has been animated by RSA see 'Drive - the surprising truth about what motivates us', also his book on the same subject and HBR article.
• Sukh Pabial's blog on the talk - Motivation, Dan Pink and EQ

Mindfulness for leaders
B Alan Wallace

Those that know me would expect me to already be into mindfulness and meditation. It's certainly the language I'm comfortable with. After all I've seen the Dalai Lama speak, and I even have the headspace app on my phone (even if I've hardly used it). 

However this is the first time I have EVER understood the benefit of mindfulness practices!  

The premise is - mindfulness helps focus attention at the same time as retaining a sense of ease. Which means after achieving this state of mindfulness we don't get stressed or strained when we do what we do afterwards. How wonderful is that!!

Or put another way - all our busyness, over attention or even boredom will stress our mind and body and therefore mean we're less effective - its also unsustainable for any period.

• "Don't manage people attend to them" - I also wonder about how to apply that to procurement ... would "Don't manage suppliers attend to them" work??.
• Alan's Cultivating mental and emotional balance talk at Mind and it's potential conference
• Phil Willcox's blog on Alan's talk - Head hurting and awesome all in one 

The alchemy of empathy - transforming stress into meaning
Eve Ekman

• "There's a correlation between a lack of feeling of emotion in our body and lack of empathy with others"
• "It's about emotional regulation"
• Here's a video of a similar talk by Eve at the Mind and it's potential conference - cultivating emotional balance at work

Why the future begins - using EQ to optimise the future
Magnus Lindkvist

Sorry the last train north (and yes I mean very much north of Watford) was calling so I didn't hear Magnus speak. Tweets suggested he finished the day very humorously but I couldn't find any blogs or vlogs to link to - any suggestions most welcome.


As I made links to the content and my own passions I tweeted links to a few of my blogs:

• If you want to walk in other people's shoes you need to take yours off first
• Understanding your own values - ie what motivates you 
• Understanding other people's values
• Is there room for kindness in business?
• My response to "but I don't do soft fluffy stuff"

Hope you found this helpful - I know I'll be back when I'm trying to recall what someone said, or to find that YouTube vlog.

Alison

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out

I  did suggest on twitter half way through the session that this collage depicts life without EQ - ie without our humanness!

"I don't do soft fluffy stuff"

Walk the talk Alison and wait till you calm down.

No I'm just going to type away and apologise ahead of time if the tone gets in the way of the message - I'm angry........


A reaction I sometimes get when I explain about the coaching I do, or perhaps more appropriately the tools I use is: 

"oh I don't do fluffy stuff"

Or even worse

"well yes I get the relevance of the work you do but it's just too fluffy for those I work with"

You see - whether we think they're fluffy or not we do all do this stuff. When saying you don't do fluffy stuff you might as well be saying "I'm not a human". In other words unless you're an android, you do have:

• A body with certain needs to keep it functioning
• A mind that works in a particular way
• Emotions that impact you every minute of every day
• Values that determine your every action (and these come from - dare I say it - your heart!)
• Beliefs that support these values in all the judgements you make
• Memories that impact how you behave
• Skills that you learned in your own specific way
• Behaviours that push, or otherwise, other people's buttons

All of these come with you where ever you go and cannot, I repeat can not, get left at the door when you walk into work - they're with you 24/7 365 every year of your life.

Actually I've changed my mind - it seems we're a lot like androids with:

• A specification we were built to
• Specific memory that can get overloaded  
• Different operating programmes
• Software programmes that ensure we function
• Maintenance schedules to keep us operating efficiently
• A need for reprogramming and upgrades
• and yet still crash occasionally with the need for the helpdesk 

The difference between androids and humans are obviously many. However the main one of relevance here is whilst androids have a helpful operating manual - humans don't. Although many of the NLP, emotional intelligence and personality typing theories and models (you know the fluffy stuff above) would go some way to providing input into developing your own personal operating manual.

The challenge when we're not succeeding is we do really need to understand our own operating manual.

Of course we can try to emulate the likes of the the Dragons, Richard Branson or Arianne Huffington but we don't have their memories, experiences, mind, body or emotions. So whilst we can model what they do we will need to understand how that can be translated into our own operating language.

"There's plenty of people out there who don't do this fluffy stuff"

Great and if you can do that and succeed, and achieve what you want from life - then as they say "fill your boots". But let's get this clear - you may not know about the fluffy stuff - but since bicentennial
man is a long way away - you are still doing the fluffy stuff - you can't help but not do.

This blog isn't about saying everyone has to learn everything about this 'fluffy stuff'. However it helps to acknowledge that is does have baring on what you do every minute of every day.

As the over used saying goes:

"If you keep doing what you've always done you'll get what you've always got"

In other words if you're not succeeding then change what you're doing. Of course you can do this without understanding or looking at your operating manual (yes the fluffy) but it is a little more hit and miss. If you get out your operating manual then you can really start to understand why you're not getting the results you want.

Ignoring the "fluff" when you're stuck is like:

• Getting the plumber to cut your hair
• Knowing your car keys are in your coat pocket and looking everywhere else for them
• Putting your chicken in the fridge and expecting it to roast
• Putting diesel in your petrol car and blaming the car
• Buying a ticket to London when your meeting is in Edinburgh
• Arranging the meeting for Wednesday and turning up on Thursday

"It's everyone else fault I'm not getting what I want"

No it's not and you know it - even if it is only that inner voice (sorry is that too fluffy) that knows it.

That's right the fluffy stuff can help answer why you're not moving forward in the direction you want. Of course goal setting will help and all the other things I've blogged about this month. If you've tried that, however, and are still not getting where you wanted something else is stopping you.

I hate to say it but the solution is likely to be found right in the middle of all that lovely fluff.

Do you want to know why your fluff has the answer - because *said in a whisper* it could just be one of the following that's getting in your way of results, success and the achievement you've always dreamed of:

• Your relationships with other people
• Your arrogance
• Your bullying behaviour
• Your lack of confidence
• Unhelpful beliefs
• Fear - of success, failure, other people or even flying
• Overly restrictive values
• Resistance to change
• Conflicting values (a biggie)
• Abuse from others
• Lack of trust
• Inability to control your emotions
• Unhealthy choices
• Negativity
• Too much positivity

I'm sorry if that got too fluffy - but that's the reality of being human.

As a result of the life you've lived you are who you are and some of those experiences will have been helpful and others not. We just sometime need a little help from the helpdesk to reprogramme, upgrade or uncorrupt some of our software scripts.

Unless you're happy not achieving your goals of course.

I hope I have persuaded you of the relevance of the fluff even if I would prefer we called it personal development or something like that. The sad reality is most people reading this will agree with me, and already take ownership for exploring the fluff to find what's holding them back. I just hope that a few people out there who usually dis the fluff may have had their minds changed. Happy to have a chat to discuss more fully +44 (0)7770 538159.

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out - when what you're doing isn't working - and yes sometimes just having a rant!

And for the eagle eyed followers of my blog amongst you, yes this was written later in the month and put back here because I didn't want it to get in the flow of blogs on achieving your goals.