Every day patterns or the unexpected

The pod of dolphins was a joy to behold as they jumped out of the water and swam past this morning (image for illustration not those from this morning I'm afraid.)

I can't say that I spend all my time looking out of my office window, and certainly can't tell you how many ships go past in any day.

And yet today within seconds of each other my neighbour and I both noticed the pod as it traveled past and sent texts to each other so we didn't miss them.

That's what our attention can be like - we don't notice the every day things that happen frequently, and yet do notice the unexpected or out of the ordinary.

The challenge when coaching others, either as a coach or manager, is knowing when to pay attention to the every day patterns and when to focus on the unexpected.

After all, some unhelpful habits may lie in the every day patterns well out of our conscious awareness, and yet can get drowned out and ignored as we pay attention to the unexpected.

Other habits have yet to be developed which means when faced with the unexpected we start grasping for habits that work in other areas of our lives, and may not be so effective with the unexpected.

The key is self awareness ie being attentive to what is working and what isn't and then putting attention where it will have the greatest impact.

Where do you need to put your attention today

And if it's finding new habits to deal with the unexpected why not sign up for my webinar on 3rd Sept.

I've just not got the bandwidth at the moment

"I've just not got the bandwidth at the moment" It's not just the wifi, zoom (bless them) and other technology that's creaking at the edges through over use. I think we all are - our brains anyway. Unconscious habits that we've honed over years have been thrown up in the air. Even how we live as a family, how we shop, how we exercise, interact with others, measure 2 meters, and even wash our hands have been pushed back into our conscious awareness. A conscious awareness that, just like our wifi, only has so much bandwidth. Previously we could multi task because our unconscious was taking care of the background noise, allowing our conscious mind to focus on the new and exciting stuff. The back ground noise is now jamming the signal. Added to which we've got lots of new things to learn - who knew there was so much to learn about Zoom etc. So cut yourself some slack, and keep things simpler for a while. And trust that over time some of these 'it feels weird' new behaviours will become unconscious habits you no longer need to think about and will be going on in the background releasing up some well needed bandwidth.

5 day Procurement Mindset challenge

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

In the procurement mindset 5 day challenge starting on 9^th September we’ll be looking at ways of making a supportive mindset a habit.

Day 8: 4 new habits in 28 days - Slay the Dragon

In my quest to do something different every day I purchased a dragon fruit, and then promptly asked on Facebook what on earth I should do with it!  

One response was 'find the dragon it belongs to' - which I thought was a great title for a blog - and this is that very blog. Although the title morphed a little as I explored those words and wrote the post! (See the bottom of the post for more about the 28 day challenge, and progress made to date.)

This is why I love blogging, because currently I have no idea where this blog title will take me - all will only become clear as I write it.

I wonder what meaning 'find the dragon' might have?

If I look up dragon tree I find this:

Although the actual tree the dragon fruit comes from looks like this;

What do you imagine when you think of a dragon? 

or perhaps ;-)

or even

If however I ask you what words do you associate with 'dragon' then I'd expect slaying would appear. Other words when I asked others included fire, flying, friendly, and not so friendly. 

Slaying feels very apt for the #28daychallenge don't you think? 

After all to adopt new habits requires the slaying of old habits, and also slaying of the resistance and hurdles that have stopped us taking up the new habits before. 

I love using metaphor and analogy (see Landscaping Your life for more on using nature as a metaphor for all aspects of our lives). I therefore wonder how sticking with the metaphor, with slaying these habits and hurdles, provides additional insight to those already explored in recent blog posts. Recent blogs that have covered: finding the inspiration, vision and goal setting, setting targets, doing things differently, resisting the wavering, finding support, commitment and not making assumptions.

Slaying or killing aren't words I particularly resonate with, but that's where the new habit of doing something different every day comes in. 

What would it look, sound, feel like if I did slay a few old habits. What would you see me doing? What would you never see me doing?  

The habits I'm slaying are:

• Eating gluten, and nightshades (pots and toms) 
• Not doing my hip mobilisation and other stretching exercises regularly 
• Not being sufficiently hydrated

Most slaying seems to take place with the help of a sword, and I wonder what this represents in this example?

What's the saying about the pen .... the pen is mightier than the sword? Keeping track of my progress here, and having to write down '7/7' days achieved or '6/7' days achieved has certainly kept me motivated. So perhaps the sword in this instance is the pen - starting a journal or diary for noting progress. Progress in terms of achievement or otherwise of the new habits, recurrence of old habits and progress made towards my goal of flexible and pain free knees.

I wonder if slaying the old habits also requires the following:

• Understanding what happens if I keep doing the old habits. That is, understand the worse case scenario of continuing to do what I'm doing. Providing me with something to move away from, not just the lovely outcome I'm wanting to move towards. Use of the problem reversal technique can help to develop a list of unhelpful outcomes. I decided to use #soulcollage, and this card that I made helped me bring this particular insight alive. It's the first 'negative' collage card I've made since first learning about them 2 years ago! Another example of me doing something different ;-).

Slaying the old habits may also require: 

• Identifying the trigger that starts the old habit, and either shifting it or avoiding the trigger.
• Identifying other habits that support the ones we're replacing, and stopping or amending them too. It's not always a great idea to change everything in one fell swoop, but if you always eat gluten when you go for pizza with your friends try suggesting going to a different restaurant, and certainty one with lots of GF choices.
• Making it hard or even impossible to do the old habits. I don't really like thinking in terms of penalties for default - but perhaps it's time I did. I just know how my brain works, and think I might I know I will fight against them, and just find it all too hard, and give up!! That said it might work for others, so useful to be included here.

Other thoughts on what slaying old habits might look like are more than welcome.

Another aspect to the slaying includes slaying the resistance or hurdles I put in the way to doing the new habits. Hurdles that might come in the form of:

• Fear
• Just not being in the right state of mind or body
• Negativity - "I'll never get there", "It's never worked before" "I'm over the hill" "I can't do it"etc. My prescription for positivity may also help here.
• Negative and unhelpful beliefs about the efficacy of the habits - the wobble on day 4 was a great example of this, 
• Lack of confidence - blog posts with suggestions of how to increase confidence include this one on speaking, and this more personal meaning, 
• Wanting the easy life - which is where this challenge all started 
• Recurring patterns - going around in circles
• Being happy in our comfort zone - and is where the idea of embracing the new habit of doing something new every day came from to flex the 'doing something different' muscle
• Blaming others and not taking personal responsibility - ie having our head in the sand
• Only doing something if we know we will succeed - ie aiming only for perfection
• Anger - at ourself, our body, other people or the world for needing to change
• Other blocks - see blog post for other suggestions

Wow - who thought buying a dragon fruit could provide such rick picking of ideas and inspiration!

What do you need to slay, and how can using the dragon slaying metaphor help you identify an action plan? 

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring Change - Inside and Out

More in this Landscaping your Life post on why metaphors are useful tools when we're stuck, and how they can help get us back on track.

In these blog posts I'm sharing what I'm doing to improve the chances of succeeding in changing 4 habits in 28 days - habits that will support improved flexibility and less pain in my arthritic knees.

The 4 habits being:

1. I will consistently eat gluten (and nightshade) free every day - failed again - 6/8 (this time by eating the black pudding that was in my fridge forgetting that it would have gluten in it :-( - the other day I ate potatoes by mistake!)
2. I will do my hip mobilisation every day - achieved 8/8
3. I will drink at least 2 litres of water every day - achieved 8/8 
4. I will do at least one thing differently every day - achieved 8/8 - I watched ITV news and not BBC - not a biggie but I'm working on the assumption that any shift out of a normal routine is flexing the 'doing something different' muscle. I also ate the dragon fruit with kidlets from next door. 

Hypertext links in the text above link to previous blogs written on the subject.

#28daychallenge

Day 5: 4 new habits in 28 days - Support

When trying to sustain a new habit for 28 days it's far too easy to fall back onto the old habit. In the blog I'm sharing what I'm doing to improve the chances of succeeding in introducing 4 new habits, and how I manage the challenges and frustrations that come up during the process. (For more on the 4 habits see the bottom of this post.)

Commitment is what is getting me through this challenge - and yes perhaps it's too soon to tell if it will get me through to the 28th day - but I'm still here at day 5 which is a bonus - even if I did have a wobble yesterday.

Not necessarily just commitment to myself to do this but commitment to others.

I've told my coach, I've blogged, my friends know because I texted them, I've Facebooked and tweeted about it. I've even told #TheDoctorWhoGaveUpDrugs I'm doing it. Which for me provides the daily inspiration to do what needs to be done. Inspiration because connection with others is important to me. If I've told others I'm going to do it - I'll do it. In other words I might want to go to bed but if I haven't completed one of the four habits I'll do it before I do go to bed. (Let's hope that doesn't involve drinking 2 litres of water in one go!)

In the well formed outcome I mentioned on day 1 this support network is included in step 4 - it's about dovetailing outcomes and involves asking yourself who needs to know about your goal.

I'm reminded of a blog I wrote about being up a creek without a paddle which talked of identifying who are guides and fellow travellers were to help us get out of the creek and back on track. Embedding new habits requires us to do the same - to identify those around us who can help us stay on course, who can celebrate our successes with us, and cheer-lead when we're struggling.

Who can help you achieve your goal, and when will you tell them about it?

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring Change - Inside and Out

Progress made on day 5:

1. I will consistently eat gluten (and nightshade) free everyday - achieved
2. I will do my hip mobilisation daily -  achieved
3. I will drink 2 litres of water daily - achieved
4. I will do one thing differently every day - achieved - I didn't hoover when I wanted to and won't till the weekend (ouch), I didn't watch TV and went to another room to watch videos associated with some studying I'm doing.

Blog posts of the journey to embed the 4 new habits have so far included - finding the inspiration, vision and goal setting, setting targets, doing things differently and yesterday I found myself wavering in my resolve.

For anyone wishing to get support to embed new habits in their lives, or with a vision or goal in need of a good overhaul you may want to consider coaching. More about what I offer here.

Hypertext links in the text above link to previous blogs written on the subject.

#28daychallenge

Day 3: 4 new habits in 28 days - Doing something different

It does feel slightly counter intuitive to set the objective of making 'doing something different every day' a habit!

The reason for identifying 'doing something different' as a habit I'd like to work on, is that the more I use the 'doing something different' muscle, the more open I will be to change and new opportunities. 

Habits are mostly unconscious that's why we have them - because we don't need to give any conscious energy to doing them. I pick up my toothbrush in my right hand, and there's no energy needed to think about doing it - it's a routine I follow that's become automatic.

The problem arises when everything we do is a habit - as soon as someone suggests doing something different we freak out. Our brain goes into overload at the very thought of doing something a different way. After all, isn't the reason we have a habit, because we've already thought about the best, most effective, cheapest, easiest, most efficient way to do it, and are doing it that way?

The issue is, that over time things change - we change, our goals change, those around us change, the world changes. What was right even a few months ago might not be right now. Or perhaps it was never right, but it was just an easier habit to fall into than the alternative.

For example, I'm still one for going to London and hailing a cab, and yet cheaper options exist if I could release this habit and explore using Uber. Fear of the unknown is stopping me. 

Fear can be a great motivator for keeping the status quo. 

This is where 'doing things differently' comes in - we can teach fear not to react to these new situations as it has in the past. We can teach ourselves that the world doesn't stop going around if we try something new. 

These activities don't have to be something big - just small things every day that expand our comfort zone.

The rest of this post  has now been moved to my new website

Day 2: 4 new habits in 28 days - Setting targets

The premise of my 28 day challenge is that without sustaining a new habit for 28 days it's far too easy to fall back onto the old habit. Too easy to decide it's not working, and give up (unless that's just me?).

In the series of blog posts I'm sharing what I'm doing to improve the chances of succeeding, and also exploring how I manage the challenges and frustrations that come up during the process. 

First an update on progress made on day 2:

1. I will consistently eat gluten free everyday - achieved - having been inconsistently GF for 4 years I've got over the initial disbelief that's it's even possible, and withdrawal symptoms, and just know when I'm travelling with work in a few weeks time this will be more of a challenge. 
2. I will do my hip mobilisation daily -  achieved - although only just before going to bed because I hadn't done them! I'll explore this more fully later in the week - a great example that 'what gets measured gets done'. 
3. I will keep sufficiently hydrated - achieved - more of that below
4. I will do one thing differently every day - achieved - I bought a men's fitness magazine rather than a female one. More about this habit in a future blog.

Embedding the above habits are the first steps in achieving my vision for flexible and pain free arthritic knees. Habits that if achieved will make achieving the goal more likely.

Nothing like not walking the talk! Rather than spend lots of time getting the wording of the habits just right I just wrote what came to mind down and got on with it.

After day 1 it became clear that the new habits needed rewording. That is were the objectives SMART ie Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time bound?

I realised the hydration habit wasn't exactly measurable - unless of course I'm very good at noticing my hydration and knowing what 'suficiently hydrated' looks and feels like. Which I'm not!

Hydration helps keep the knees lubricated, and certainly days when I have a lot of pain are often days succeeding a day when I didn't drink much at all.

Whilst hydration is the goal, I need to specify what I will be doing to achieve this. 

I will drink at least 2 litres of water every day.

That then enables me to measure my consumption of water during the day, and to understand whether I've reached the target or not.

This then opens up a quandary about what the target should be. 

In some explanations of SMART it suggests S should be Stretching. In which case I should set a target of 2.5 or 3 litres. However, since the reason for identifying these habits is for me to ensure consistency of action, I'm going to start with achievable goals that if sustained can be increased at a future point. 

For me it's definitely about putting in place actions that will become habits not something that would be a daily challenge. The end goal of pain free and flexible knees feels like a challenge. Breaking it down into manageable habits, that I can embed into life, that I know will support me on moving towards my goal is the priority. 

How could you amend your objectives or goals to make them SMARTer, and make it more likely you'll take the necessary actions to achieving them?

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring Change - Inside and Out

Blogs of the journey of 28 days to embed 4 new habits have so far included - the inspiration and the vision and goal.

Hypertext links in the text above link to previous blogs written on the subject either here on The Purchasing Coach site or over on my Landscaping Your Life site where I use nature as a metaphor and teacher for our lives. 

Anyone with Arthritis may also want to review my Pinterest board with over 150 links on how you might be able to improve living with arthritis.

#28daychallenge

Day 1: 4 new habits in 28 days - Goal Setting

And we're off.

Update: Day 1 of 28 days to embed 4 new habits - in my case habits that support my arthritic knees. Although this process of adopting new habits, by committing to do them for 28 days, can be applied to any habit in work, life or play! 

So do please join me as you also adopt a new habit or two, allowing us to silence the old habits' whisperings, and face the challenges together.

Progress made on day 1 was:

1. I will eat gluten free every day (not just when i feel like it) - achieved - although easier than when I first went GF four years ago - I just need to be consistent 
2. I will do my hip mobilisation daily -  achieved but again easily because we did it as part of personal training 
3. I will keep sufficiently hydrated - easy to say achieved as I failed to set a target - oops
4. I will do one thing differently every day - achieved - I cleaned my teeth using my left hand! More on why I've chosen this as new habit in a future blog.

Observation: 

Sh%T - too many things to think about - how will I measure progress, what's my end goal, why am I doing this, how will I share my progress and .... what about doing some work and not blogging ..... oh and what were the 4 new habits I said I wanted to commit to. Just starting to realise why it's best to keep it to one new habit not four!

First thing I need to do is understand why I'm wanting to make the commitment in the first place. What's the reason - the 'why' behind making the effort.

For me the why is about improved flexibility, stamina and less pain in my knees. Although as I type I realise that's not enough of a why - what will having that flexibility and stamina do for me in life - what will it allow me to do that I can't do at the moment. In other words what's my vision. To get a better understanding of this I realise a well formed outcome will help, and commit to do this over the weekend.

I also realise I need to understand where I am in relation to my goal currently. That way any progress made over the 28 days can provide the added motivation to stick with the new habits. My personal trainer and I chatted about these, and by Monday will have the 'current situation' logged.

I then need to double check that these new habits will support me achieving this goal. I suspect there are other new habits, and if I can get these cracked first it will make everything else a lot easier to do.

Other activities undertaken to support my knees:

Having found it easy to beat myself up in the past for not making progress, I realise there are other activities that I'm already doing on a daily basis to support my goal of flexible and pain free knees. In order to stop the beatings I'm going to remind myself daily of what these additional activities are:. 

• Marjoram essential oil in my bath
• Beetroot in my risotto 
• Ginger with lemon in hot water first thing 
• Flat and cushioned footwear - for work, rest and play

What would help you to pat yourself on the back daily?

I'd love to hear how you got on, and the challenges you're facing as we adopt new habits in our lives.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring Change - Inside and Out

Hypertext links in the text above link to previous blogs written on the subject either here on The Purchasing Coach site or over on my Landscaping Your Life site where I use nature as a metaphor and teacher for our lives. 

Anyone with osteoarthritis may also want to review my Pinterest board with over 150 links on how you might be able to improve living with arthritis. In addition to keeping hydrated and eating gluten free these also include use of beetroot, ginger and marjoram.

#28daychallenge

Not wanting to do the hard work

Are you prepared to do the hard work needed to achieve what you want in life?

I realise sometimes (or even often) the answer for me is "no" - so what can I/we do to move that to a "yes" - to increase the chances of having the life we want?

For me it started five years ago with the following words from a surgeon "you need new knees, but are too young to have them. Keep taking the painkillers, and come back when it gets too much for you."

Thus started my exploration of what to do for my arthritic knees - an exploration of how to reduce the pain in other ways than doing what the specialist suggested. Also an exploration to keep my knees away from the operating table.

The first thing I did was set up an Arthritis Pinterest board and put links to all ideas I came across for reducing knee pain via body, mind, heart and soul. In other words, looking at it from all angles, and yes even angels :-).

Finding all the options was the easy bit - even if not one of them was suggested by the surgeon, nor doctor. 

From that time on there there's been many many ups and downs as I've searched for alternatives. In that search I've found many things that work for either increasing range of movement, flexibility, stamina, or reducing pain. These have included: 

• Keeping my joints moving - whether with friends, alone, in exercise classes or with the help of a personal trainer (as per picture above)
• Doing hip mobilisation exercises - which ensure my glutes and hips are strong, flexible and switched on
• Yoga - isolating weak or overly tense muscles, and releasing and then strengthening them
• Regular sports massage to increase range of movement and release tight muscles 
• Improved sleep - earlier to bed and black out curtains helping significantly to do this

I've tried many supplements and have found that they each work for awhile, and then have seen their efficacy reduce. Perhaps placebo might explain this better than efficacy of the supplements, although due to the sustained improvement I would recommend trying:

• Solgar 7

Other successes, or perhaps that should be other things I know work, have included:

• Avoiding gluten - even if I would dearly love this not to be the case, and have repeatedly tried to test the hypothesis in the vain hope I'm wrong 
• Avoiding rhubarb - who knew? 
• Avoiding the nightshade family - potatoes, tomatoes, peppers and so on 
• Adding more ginger to juices 
• Eating or drinking beetroot
• Keeping hydrated 

The problem has been, that whilst some of these activities are definitely on the "should do" list, or if I think about hip mobilisation even on the "must do" list, I still manage not to do them. It's as if, despite the benefit, I'm not prepared to put in the sustained effort required to keep doing them. This results in a few weeks of progress, freer movement and minimal pain followed by weeks and months of restricted movement and pain! One step forward, two, three or even four steps back :-(.

I find myself wondering if I should simply buy into the surgeons belief that new knees are the only answer, and accept I'm simply on the declining and steady route to the operating table.

Currently there is a part of me that still whispers "No" to the surgeon's belief, but these days it's getting quieter and sounding further way. 

Whilst I can still hear the "No" therefore I will continue to search for a solution that will get me back on track. After all that's what I help others do in my coaching - to get back on track - even if not often physically. 

The process I follow in coaching sessions is:

• Where do you want to get to - desired outcome
• Where are you now - current situation
• How do you get from one to the other
• What's stopping you - the hurdles and resistors 
• Taking action 
• Reviewing progress 
• Amending action 

What's stopping us taking the necessary action normally falls into a number of areas:

• We're not clear enough about what we want 
• We're not clear enough about what to do or can't see the wood for the trees 
• We're not clear enough of the benefits to be achieved from getting to the desired outcome 
• We're not motivated to take action - values after all inspire our every action 
• Something is holding us back - fear, lack of confidence, past events, anger, beliefs, negativity , stuck in a loop, our comfort zone etc 
• We don't believe it's possible or can't won't do it or think we're too old to try!
• Others we admire don't believe it's possible 
• We can't/don't take the first step or feel like we're going around in circles
• We don't sustain our actions or give up too soon 

As I've watched the BBC's 'the doctor who gave up drugs' this week I realised the missing jigsaw piece for me was not being prepared to put in sustained hard work.

I now realise I was looking for a quick fix. I'd forgotten the adage that it takes 28 days for something to become a habit. My understanding is that until that time, we'll find it easier to fall back to the old habit than continue with the new one. I'd also forgotten that whilst still in its thrall the old habit may even lie to us, and try and persuade us of the folly of our actions - focusing on our lack of progress, and highlighting the inconsistencies. Basically doing anything that will undermine our belief in the validity of the new habit we're aiming for. 

So yes I do need to remind myself of what life could be like without the current restricted movement in my knees, and to tap into my values to provide the motivation. More importantly, however, I need to make a commitment to change a few habits, and to do that effectively I also need to tell others about that commitment (I think this blog works for that - especially if you'll occasionally check in to see how I'm getting on). 

Which means for the next 28 days I commit to changing a few persistently bad habits, and starting a few new ones, namely:

• I will eat gluten free every day (ie not go of the rails when I see a piece of white bread or chocolate cake)
• I will do my hip mobilisation once daily
• I will keep sufficiently hydrated 
• I will do one thing differently every day (to keep the 'do new things' muscle working - and perhaps more importantly to keep the 'do the same things' muscle out of its comfort zone) 

No excuses, no doubts about their efficacy - just 28 days, and then observing the results, and adapting my plan from there. 

The coach in me says I should start with just one of the above not all four, but currently I feel confident that I can sustain all four for the next 28 days - especially as 3 of them are already activities I do - even if inconsistently applied. 

Will you join me? What one habit would you like to replace, and what daily action can you take to make that a reality?

Alison x

Alison Smith

The Purchasing Coach

Inspiring change - inside and out 

Hypertext links in the text above link to previous blogs written on the subject either here on The Purchasing Coach site or over on my Landscaping Your Life site where I use nature as a metaphor and teacher for our lives.

#28daychallenge

Comfort zones at work

My blogs often concentrate on personal development topics but the learning can generally be applied to all areas of our life - socially or at work, or with family, stakeholders or suppliers etc. 

Last Friday's blog discussed expanding our comfort zone by doing small things differently. The subsequent blogs shared small things I'd done differently over the weekend.

A few of the small things will continue to be done the way I have always done them (e.g not sure I want to go back to drinking normal tea). A few of the activities I did differently made we realise how easy it is to learn a behaviour and then simply allow it to become a habit rather than consider alternatives each time. In a number of instances I realised what I had been doing wasn't necessarily the best option 100% of the time, in 100% of situations. 

Not so much of a setback if I just take the same route to work everyday - but perhaps a concern if I always walk the same route to my desk and therefore never get to talk to others off the route. Not the end of the world I know but doing small things differently can really open your eyes to what you might be missing. 

My blog suggested small things to do differently at home - in the office how about:

• Making a drink at a different kettle
• Getting your water from a different cooler
• Walking a different route to your desk
• Coming in earlier or later and therefore leaving earlier or later
• Taking lunch at a different time or in a different location
• Bringing in your own lunch or going out for it
• Making calls at a different time of day
• Reading emails at a different time of day
• Working from home on a different day
• Starting meetings at different times 10.08??
• Visiting a different toilet (we are creatures of habit after all) 

It's so easy to assume that all of our habits have arisen from efficiency and effectiveness - if this weekend's little experiment is anything to go by then the answer isn't always that clear cut. Try it for yourself and notice what you notice - I promise you will be surprised. 

Alison Smith

Inspiring change inside and out