"I don't do soft fluffy stuff"

Walk the talk Alison and wait till you calm down.

No I'm just going to type away and apologise ahead of time if the tone gets in the way of the message - I'm angry........


A reaction I sometimes get when I explain about the coaching I do, or perhaps more appropriately the tools I use is: 

"oh I don't do fluffy stuff"

Or even worse

"well yes I get the relevance of the work you do but it's just too fluffy for those I work with"

You see - whether we think they're fluffy or not we do all do this stuff. When saying you don't do fluffy stuff you might as well be saying "I'm not a human". In other words unless you're an android, you do have:

• A body with certain needs to keep it functioning
• A mind that works in a particular way
• Emotions that impact you every minute of every day
• Values that determine your every action (and these come from - dare I say it - your heart!)
• Beliefs that support these values in all the judgements you make
• Memories that impact how you behave
• Skills that you learned in your own specific way
• Behaviours that push, or otherwise, other people's buttons

All of these come with you where ever you go and cannot, I repeat can not, get left at the door when you walk into work - they're with you 24/7 365 every year of your life.

Actually I've changed my mind - it seems we're a lot like androids with:

• A specification we were built to
• Specific memory that can get overloaded  
• Different operating programmes
• Software programmes that ensure we function
• Maintenance schedules to keep us operating efficiently
• A need for reprogramming and upgrades
• and yet still crash occasionally with the need for the helpdesk 

The difference between androids and humans are obviously many. However the main one of relevance here is whilst androids have a helpful operating manual - humans don't. Although many of the NLP, emotional intelligence and personality typing theories and models (you know the fluffy stuff above) would go some way to providing input into developing your own personal operating manual.

The challenge when we're not succeeding is we do really need to understand our own operating manual.

Of course we can try to emulate the likes of the the Dragons, Richard Branson or Arianne Huffington but we don't have their memories, experiences, mind, body or emotions. So whilst we can model what they do we will need to understand how that can be translated into our own operating language.

"There's plenty of people out there who don't do this fluffy stuff"

Great and if you can do that and succeed, and achieve what you want from life - then as they say "fill your boots". But let's get this clear - you may not know about the fluffy stuff - but since bicentennial
man is a long way away - you are still doing the fluffy stuff - you can't help but not do.

This blog isn't about saying everyone has to learn everything about this 'fluffy stuff'. However it helps to acknowledge that is does have baring on what you do every minute of every day.

As the over used saying goes:

"If you keep doing what you've always done you'll get what you've always got"

In other words if you're not succeeding then change what you're doing. Of course you can do this without understanding or looking at your operating manual (yes the fluffy) but it is a little more hit and miss. If you get out your operating manual then you can really start to understand why you're not getting the results you want.

Ignoring the "fluff" when you're stuck is like:

• Getting the plumber to cut your hair
• Knowing your car keys are in your coat pocket and looking everywhere else for them
• Putting your chicken in the fridge and expecting it to roast
• Putting diesel in your petrol car and blaming the car
• Buying a ticket to London when your meeting is in Edinburgh
• Arranging the meeting for Wednesday and turning up on Thursday

"It's everyone else fault I'm not getting what I want"

No it's not and you know it - even if it is only that inner voice (sorry is that too fluffy) that knows it.

That's right the fluffy stuff can help answer why you're not moving forward in the direction you want. Of course goal setting will help and all the other things I've blogged about this month. If you've tried that, however, and are still not getting where you wanted something else is stopping you.

I hate to say it but the solution is likely to be found right in the middle of all that lovely fluff.

Do you want to know why your fluff has the answer - because *said in a whisper* it could just be one of the following that's getting in your way of results, success and the achievement you've always dreamed of:

• Your relationships with other people
• Your arrogance
• Your bullying behaviour
• Your lack of confidence
• Unhelpful beliefs
• Fear - of success, failure, other people or even flying
• Overly restrictive values
• Resistance to change
• Conflicting values (a biggie)
• Abuse from others
• Lack of trust
• Inability to control your emotions
• Unhealthy choices
• Negativity
• Too much positivity

I'm sorry if that got too fluffy - but that's the reality of being human.

As a result of the life you've lived you are who you are and some of those experiences will have been helpful and others not. We just sometime need a little help from the helpdesk to reprogramme, upgrade or uncorrupt some of our software scripts.

Unless you're happy not achieving your goals of course.

I hope I have persuaded you of the relevance of the fluff even if I would prefer we called it personal development or something like that. The sad reality is most people reading this will agree with me, and already take ownership for exploring the fluff to find what's holding them back. I just hope that a few people out there who usually dis the fluff may have had their minds changed. Happy to have a chat to discuss more fully +44 (0)7770 538159.

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out - when what you're doing isn't working - and yes sometimes just having a rant!

And for the eagle eyed followers of my blog amongst you, yes this was written later in the month and put back here because I didn't want it to get in the flow of blogs on achieving your goals.

Is there room for kindness in procurement?

 

I use cards like the one above in a number of ways in the coaching, facilitation and training I do. They're great tools for exploring and generating debate on a subject, providing an alternate view point or even for reinforcing learning.

 

Over recent months I've had many conversations with fellow trainers, coachees and workshop participants on whether certain words in the pack I use apply to procurement or more broadly business.

 

As you'd expect people have differing views about applying some words - some don't like the word Healing, Grace or Peace. I don't suppose I'm so surprised with people's reaction to these words, although I can myself always find a link :-). The word that people have difficulty with that most suprises me is Kindness!

 

My personal reaction is if we can't bring kindness into procurement relationships then we're doomed. Our relationships are made up of individuals and these individuals thrive and flourish on kindness - yes including supplier representatives. 

I think it comes back to what I was talking about yesterday - the desire to not want to change. To keep to the stereotype of what we think a procurement professional should be like. Kindness in this scenario is then seen as showing weakness, and potentially opening ourselves up for manipulation by others. 

Really? Is that the reason so many pull back from showing kindness to a supplier? Is that really how it works - because if it does it means we're saying that every time we've ever shown kindness we've been manipulated in return! And whilst there are people out there who would do that it's not the majority and we know that. 

There's a card in another set I use that says "vulnerability is perfect protection". I wonder whether sometimes we draw back from kindness for fear of the vulnerability that may emerge as a result? 

What ever the reason I repeat - if we can't show kindness in the work we do then we're doomed. Business and procurement isn't an activity where we leave our values and common decency at the door. They're activities calling out for us to show our vulnerability and be ourselves in relation to others we work with - whether colleagues, stakeholders, or suppliers representatives. Surely any relationship therefore has to include kindness? 

 

When and how will you show kindness at work today?  

 

Alison Smith

Inspiring change inside and out - when what you're doing isn't working

 

See here for more on other facilitation tools I use in my work.

Why do I have to change?

For much of a recent category and supplier management workshop I was encouraging those there to adapt their style to that of their stakeholder.

 

A common response to this is to say "but why do I have to change - why can't the other person adapt their style to mine."

 

You don't have to change anything if what you're doing is working.

 

I'll say that again.

 

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING IF WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS WORKING.

 

The clue is "if it's working".

 

If you have no need to influence the other person ie for them to change, and are happy with the current state of play then don't do anything differently. Simple.

 

If you're not getting the response you want you can either keep doing what you're doing and most likely get the same response, or adapt your style and see if it opens the door to effective communication with that individual.

 

As a result of me learning and applying all these influencing tools my stakeholder said I was easier to deal with. The funny thing was I thought she was easier to deal with. Once I stopped saying things in a certain tonality, and used words that made sense to her not me, and made her feel heard and appreciated our relationship blossomed :-).

 

Of course you don't have to stop being you - to successfully influence others however it is useful to be able to flex your style to suit the environment.

 

Alison Smith

Inspiring Change inside and out - when what you're doing isn't working

 

I'm an associate of Future Purchasing - so for more on the category and supplier management workshops I deliver with them please do visit the website.

For more on the influencing tools I incorporate into the procurement training ( for Future Purchasing and other consultancies) you may want to read this blog on 'how NLP changed my life' (bare with me and read it please) or this one introducing some of the influencing tools.