Don't die with your music still in you

Celebrities die every week and I can be sad for the loss of the life of someone who had made a difference in the world, and of course for a family who has lost someone close to them. 

At the end of August the news that Wayne Dyer had died had a very profound impact on me - not a day has gone by since hearing the news that I have not reflected on the consequences of his teachings on my life. The same can be said for many others impacted by his life - if my Facebook feed is anything to go by anyway.

Hay house have reduced the price of all his books and as a result I'm reading one of the few books I didn't already own, and written with his daughter, entitled "Don't die with the music still in you" (for me Wayne died having sung every tune within him, and has now passed the baton on to us all to make our own music). 

As I thought about sharing what I'd learnt from Wayne, and who I had become as a result, I found out that parliament are meeting to discuss the merits of starting the journey towards assisted dying here in the UK. Whilst I don't know what Wayne felt about assisted dying I know that his teachings would add to the debate and for me (with my beliefs and attachments *) include:

• "We are not our bodies, our possessions or our careers" - which I wish those on the BA flight earlier this week, taking their wheelie bags down the emergency chute, would have realised too.
• "I have not died - I'm just in another room."

Which counter a culture where death of the body is seen as something to be avoided at any and all costs - even if it means forcing others to hang on by their fingers nails. Or where the body is repaired time and time again because we can, because it's physically possible - ignoring the impact on the mind, heart and soul. As if the body has a higher priority than mind, heart and soul?

• Compassion for self and others
• Respect for self and others 
• Love, honour and acceptance
• Trust and listen to your intuition

These, to me, support the reminder I've had during my CPD coaching training this summer - we can't hope to tell anyone what to do only hold the space for them to make the right decision for themselves. As soon as we're attached to an outcome for another we're not respecting that person's right to decide. If we impose our opinion on another as their fact we make it more about us than them. We're not being compassionate, we're telling someone what we'd do in that situation, and stating it as fact, and that's tantamount to bullying.

When a friend made the decision to have no more treatment for cancer I was surprised at how many people's responses were, it seemed to me, more about their loss than hers. They tried to persuade her of the error of her ways rather than love, honour and accept her decision, and support her through a very difficult time and last few months. I dealt with my feelings outside the room, and when in the room with her listened and gave her what she asked for.

I would not wish to stop someone living, but neither would I wish to stop someone dying (with the caveats that their current conditions can not be improved, and they're not making the decision from obligation, shoulds, oughts, musts or under duress).

• If we squeeze an orange we will always get orange juice 

Much of the reasoning for not allowing assisted dying presupposes evil or wrong doing of others and society. If you expect and look for evil and hate in the world I'm sad that's the world you see, experience and are. When I squeeze the world I see love and compassion - even if it's a challenge every day to accept my personal responsibility for that because:

• You can't give away what you don't have

Wayne is one of a few speakers (Caroline Myss is another) who have been at my side throughout the last 15 years, since I started my self development and yes spiritual journey. I would not be who I am today if they had not posed the questions for me to answer and explore. I would not be who I am today if they had not challenged my thinking and behaviours. This blog would not be what it is if not for them and other writers, speakers and teachers.

I love you Wayne, and know we will hear your music for years and decades to come. Thank you for being you and walking the talk, and making a difference in mine and other's lives by letting your music be heard and encouraging us to walk our talk.

With love

Alison 

* Here's a blog I wrote on the subject of assisted dying last year entitled - the science fiction Armageddon where the robots take over is here. 

From the perspective of Wayne's teachings I suspect it's a little too angry, too preachy and not unattached to the outcome enough. I'm unsure I managed much better in this blog. I also worry that it uses his words in a way he wouldn't have wished them to be used.

In response to my self criticism I can hear Wayne say, with much compassion, "We're all work in progress Alison. Trust that noticing is the first step to continuing this journey, and know that what you say is an expression of how you feel today. I AM Wayne".

Can't see the wood for the trees

I've used landscapes as metaphors for change with clients for over 15 years. Yet I'm still surprised at the effectiveness, creativity and speed that solutions can be found.

We use landscapes all the time in the language we use - stuck in a rut, out on the limb or can't see the wood for the trees and so on. This week on Facebook I've been exploring solutions when we can't see the wood for the trees. 

The premise is if we're using the saying then at some level in our mind it represents the current situation. If we're currently stuck, therefore, one way to get unstuck is to change the image representing it.

It's much better to get a sense of how the process works if you try it for yourself. So why not think of a situation you could describe as not being able to see the wood for the trees about.

How satisfied do you feel about the situation - on a scale of 0/10 - and what benefit would it provide if you felt more satisfied? 

Now put that situation to the back of your mind, and bring to the front of your mind an image of the trees you can't see the wood for. I know it may feel a little strange but trust me you will have an answer - either because you can construct an image or intuitively can just give an answer. Trust it will, and does, make sense to your mind. 

As you reflect on your Internal image or landscape look at the following pictures - what changes may they be suggesting you make to your current image? 

No need to rush - take your time and allow landscapes, perspectives and ideas to come to mind. There's no right or wrong - we're just exploring the situation as a metaphor, as trees in a wood, rather than in reality.

I'm curious .... How satisfied are you as you now think of the original situation? Curious because you may not need to follow the rest of the process outlined below - ie your unconscious may already have done the job and shifted something - which means you already can see the wood for the trees - or may be starting to anyway.

Otherwise bring to mind your original image of the trees - you may notice some subtle or not so subtle changes have already taken place - what other changes may you want to make to that image? 

Perhaps more or less colour or movement, louder or softer sounds, bigger or smaller image. Or perhaps viewed from a different perspective or a different time of day or year or cooler or warmer. One client for example changed the type of trees to beech, and that made all the difference and inspired immediate action. In other words play around with the image. I know that sounds weird but we're simply making changes to an image we've constructed, and since the original image depicts a stuck state then making changes will enable you to get unstuck.

Just curious ... How satisfied do you feel about the situation now?

At this point if we were in a coaching session I'd spend more time on the metaphor with you - but without knowing what direction would be best for you to explore the trees then we could just get more lost in the wood ;-). So let's just return to the original situation - unless of course you have time to go for a walk in a wood and notice what difference that might make (I had a great session the other week doing this with 6 members of the Scottish Institute of Business Leaders, and many years ago with the whole board of management of the Chartered Institute of Purchasing and Supply).

What actions in the current situation or different perspectives have come to mind as you've reviewed the images or made the changes. More importantly what will be your first step?

I'm curious - how satisfied do you feel about the situation? 

You might want to remember that if you procrastinate too much longer the wood may just become like these trees ..... Unless of course that's the solution?

Have fun and do let me know how you get on.
Alison

More on Landscaping Your Life can be found on Facebook and Pinterest - see the right hand side of this page for links to these (unless anyone can tell me how to add HTML links using the Blogger app of course). I'll be starting a new Landscaping Your Life blog very soon so watch this space.

One other suggestion is to play around with the saying.....

• Can't see the trees for the wood
• Can't see the wood for the forest 
• Can't see the bark for the trees
• Can't see the fish for the water
• Like a tree out of a wood
• Can't see the rut for the mud
• Stuck in a tree
• Up a creek without a tree
• Can't see the wood for the creek
• And so on - the more absurd the better (the aim being to just change the internal representation you have for the situation - once you've done that then you're on your way from being stuck to getting back on track, or even going with the flow - if that isn't mixing metaphors too much).

Do please contact me if you're interested in individual or group sessions using the process - great for problem solving, strategy or goal setting, and for times when more inspiration or creativity are needed - alison@alisonsmith.eu +44 (0) 7770 538159

Postscript: a Landscaping Your Life website was launched in November 2015 - so for more on this effective process do please go and visit.

Priorities

It's nearly 5 months since I last wrote a blog - the longest I've not written a blog for years.

The blog in April was entitled adrenaline junkie and described how I knew it was time for a break from work because my priorities were out of wack. That is work was becoming more important than my well being - sitting at the computer at 0630 was more important than eating breakfast, and replying to every email as soon as it came in was an urgent priority.

Having taken a week off in early May I returned with my priorities realigned, and the adrenaline back to normal - which resulted in a break from social media too. 

Of course it's freed up a lot of time and it's allowed me to prioritise work I'd been ignoring, and start writing of a completely different sort - more of that in future blogs.

Today's news that a BA flight had to abort landing due to a fire in an engine had me wondering about priorities again. These pictures hopefully explain why?

                                       

I imagine that as smoke swept into the aircraft, and the pilot ordered "evacuate", that the passengers' fight/flight mechanisms kicked in. When that happens it becomes about self preservation - it's why people may be seen pushing others out of the way or acting very selfishly in order to survive, it's also why parents put the survival of their children above their own lives. 

I can't quite understand however how it explains people evacuating with all their baggage - not just the baggage under their seat but from the over head locker too!! 

From my understanding, albeit basic, our fight/flight mechanism is about survival, For those passengers to have disembarked from the plane with those bags means 1 of 2 things - their fight/flight mechanism didn't kick in and they just followed normal learnt behaviour when disembarking, or they value their possessions as much as their own children or life.

5 months ago my iPad/iPhone had become too important an aspect of my life and I recognised the addiction I had for them, and took time off to allow that addiction to dissipate. Today I trust that those passengers, who are so addicted to their possessions that they endangered their own and other passengers lives to save them, will also recognise the addiction they have and take appropriate action before someone dies as a consequence.