Don't die with your music still in you

Celebrities die every week and I can be sad for the loss of the life of someone who had made a difference in the world, and of course for a family who has lost someone close to them. 

At the end of August the news that Wayne Dyer had died had a very profound impact on me - not a day has gone by since hearing the news that I have not reflected on the consequences of his teachings on my life. The same can be said for many others impacted by his life - if my Facebook feed is anything to go by anyway.

Hay house have reduced the price of all his books and as a result I'm reading one of the few books I didn't already own, and written with his daughter, entitled "Don't die with the music still in you" (for me Wayne died having sung every tune within him, and has now passed the baton on to us all to make our own music). 

As I thought about sharing what I'd learnt from Wayne, and who I had become as a result, I found out that parliament are meeting to discuss the merits of starting the journey towards assisted dying here in the UK. Whilst I don't know what Wayne felt about assisted dying I know that his teachings would add to the debate and for me (with my beliefs and attachments *) include:

• "We are not our bodies, our possessions or our careers" - which I wish those on the BA flight earlier this week, taking their wheelie bags down the emergency chute, would have realised too.
• "I have not died - I'm just in another room."

Which counter a culture where death of the body is seen as something to be avoided at any and all costs - even if it means forcing others to hang on by their fingers nails. Or where the body is repaired time and time again because we can, because it's physically possible - ignoring the impact on the mind, heart and soul. As if the body has a higher priority than mind, heart and soul?

• Compassion for self and others
• Respect for self and others 
• Love, honour and acceptance
• Trust and listen to your intuition

These, to me, support the reminder I've had during my CPD coaching training this summer - we can't hope to tell anyone what to do only hold the space for them to make the right decision for themselves. As soon as we're attached to an outcome for another we're not respecting that person's right to decide. If we impose our opinion on another as their fact we make it more about us than them. We're not being compassionate, we're telling someone what we'd do in that situation, and stating it as fact, and that's tantamount to bullying.

When a friend made the decision to have no more treatment for cancer I was surprised at how many people's responses were, it seemed to me, more about their loss than hers. They tried to persuade her of the error of her ways rather than love, honour and accept her decision, and support her through a very difficult time and last few months. I dealt with my feelings outside the room, and when in the room with her listened and gave her what she asked for.

I would not wish to stop someone living, but neither would I wish to stop someone dying (with the caveats that their current conditions can not be improved, and they're not making the decision from obligation, shoulds, oughts, musts or under duress).

• If we squeeze an orange we will always get orange juice 

Much of the reasoning for not allowing assisted dying presupposes evil or wrong doing of others and society. If you expect and look for evil and hate in the world I'm sad that's the world you see, experience and are. When I squeeze the world I see love and compassion - even if it's a challenge every day to accept my personal responsibility for that because:

• You can't give away what you don't have

Wayne is one of a few speakers (Caroline Myss is another) who have been at my side throughout the last 15 years, since I started my self development and yes spiritual journey. I would not be who I am today if they had not posed the questions for me to answer and explore. I would not be who I am today if they had not challenged my thinking and behaviours. This blog would not be what it is if not for them and other writers, speakers and teachers.

I love you Wayne, and know we will hear your music for years and decades to come. Thank you for being you and walking the talk, and making a difference in mine and other's lives by letting your music be heard and encouraging us to walk our talk.

With love

Alison 

* Here's a blog I wrote on the subject of assisted dying last year entitled - the science fiction Armageddon where the robots take over is here. 

From the perspective of Wayne's teachings I suspect it's a little too angry, too preachy and not unattached to the outcome enough. I'm unsure I managed much better in this blog. I also worry that it uses his words in a way he wouldn't have wished them to be used.

In response to my self criticism I can hear Wayne say, with much compassion, "We're all work in progress Alison. Trust that noticing is the first step to continuing this journey, and know that what you say is an expression of how you feel today. I AM Wayne".

Does empathy ensure we do the right thing?

"To understand someone you need to walk a mile in their moccasins" 

Recent blogs I've written here and on supply management have touched on doing the right thing. On making the right decisions irrespective of the personal impact on yourself. After conversations in the last 48hrs I realise that it's really anonymity, and therefore lack of empathy, that supports the wrong decisions being made.

Earlier in the week, after a very long day that started at 0500, the travel lodge I had booked with called to tell me they were moving me to a different hotel due to an "unexpected maintenance problem" with some rooms. A euphemism I now realise for "we've over booked". Certainly if those tweeting at the time and the 2 others booking in at 0030 as I did, all from different hotels but all given the same excuse, is anything to go by. 

After a delay of an hour to get me to the substitute hotel I was still annoyed the next morning. The receptionist couldn't have been more helpful. Taking it upon herself to book a taxi this morning and arranging for payment before she'd got hold of the original hotel to approve her decision. She understood the issue, made the right decision and acted on it. Excellent customer service. Those making the decisions to over book I'd suggest do that because they don't get to see the consequences of their decisions nor get eye contact with the customers. 

As I was driven towards Kings Cross in the taxi we had occasion to need to be let into a queue of cars and then later to let others in. Eye contact, as anyone in a queue not wanting to let anyone in, is the key. Try not letting someone into a queue in front of you, having got eye contact first, and you'll know what I mean.

Which reminded me of the recent undercover boss here in the UK. In all instances, once the 'boss' experienced firsthand what was happening to those who worked for them, they immediately made changes. Contracts were changed, conditions enhanced, communication improved, opportunities discussed. Fairness and respect that had been conspicuous by their lack were once more regained. 

For me, in all the examples above, the right thing was done because empathy was experienced. 

Do you think it's empathy that triggers human nature every time, and if it is I wonder how we can use this in other situations to ensure the right things gets done? 

• Paying the living wage - I know watching a friend fail to live without help from others, working 40 hours a week, in conditions that don't meet minimum health and safety standards, has opened my eyes to the necessity for us to mandate its payment. 
• Truth telling - this blog explains more.
• Stopping murder in Syria - I know there's not a simple solution and it's not a subject I generally stray into. I can't, however, help but feel if we saw the whites of the eyes of those impacted, or even the light go out in the eyes of those murdered, we'd do something more than we are. 

How do you think we can bring more empathy into the world so 'doing the right thing' becomes the norm?

Alison Smith

inspiring change inside and out