The Wave

They say that we've moved into having portfolio careers where we have more than one string to our bow. Most blogs posted here tackle change management, personal development, communication and influencing with a smattering of purchasing and well being thrown in. In other words what the large majority of my coaching and facilitation involves. 

In today's blog I share, by request, a short story I wrote that others have found to be insightful, and which strays beyond my normal offering - the essence of which aligns with everything I do.

Love was a wave and she was a very lonely wave. She had travelled the globe in search of something more than the life she had. Surely there must be more to life than rising and falling and being dictated to by the bright glowing circle in the sky. 

She’d tried to ask other waves if they felt the same as her but they never stayed around long enough to give her an answer. From watching them she thought they looked satisfied enough. The sounds they made when the wind whipped them against the cliffs in far flung places certainly sounded like enjoyment to her. Although she did wonder about that as she’d never had the courage to actually have a go herself. Instead she chose to hang back and watch as other waves moved forward and took the momentum. She had tried to change her shape like some waves so that she may take the surfers into her very centre and yet she hung back scared of hurting them. She’d also tried to do that thing with the air to make her very edges all white and foamy. But she withdrew fearing she’d not be able to go back to how she was. She also envied those waves who had the confidence to carry large ships towards their destination in their wake.

It was on one such day when she’d really had enough. She really was useless she felt and couldn’t do anything all the other waves could. Either she didn’t have the courage, the experience or the expertise. She also didn’t have anywave to ask questions and share it all with. It was in this heavy and depressing mood that she felt her self dragged down. Dragged deeper than she’d ever been before. 

Deeper, darker, colder. 

If she had felt fear in the past it was nothing to how she felt now. Down and down she went,.

Deeper, darker, colder. 

Her thoughts slowed right down, as if time itself was starting to move into slow motion. 

Deeper, darker, colder.

Until she finally came to a stop. She couldn’t see anything, she couldn’t feel anything and she was struggling to think anything. 

She realised she was very tense and tried very hard to relax and allow some space between every fibre of her being. As she did this she realised that she felt a little better. So for the next few  - she didn’t know what they were -  they could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days or even weeks. So all we can say is that as time passed she felt lighter. 

She practiced very hard allowing space in-between every fibre of her being. She couldn’t do it all at once. She had to pick some part of her and concentrate very hard on that part and just breathe and allow space inside. It was as if part by part she was getting lighter and brighter, and was it her imagination or was she feeling a little warmer too?

What she found however was as soon as she started to wonder about what was happening, how it was happening and try to make it go quicker she started to feel the cold, she started to emanate less light.  Each time she then had to take a breath and start all over again. Slowly working her away around each part of herself. 

Over time she was able to hold on to this lighter and brighter state for longer. She found she didn’t have to concentrate quite so hard and could still manage to maintain this lighter and brighter state.

Finally she managed to be the lighter and brighter state. It was as if she had changed. It was as if she was no longer the wave trying to be brighter, trying to be lighter she was simply a bright and light wave. She puzzled over this for some time. She felt like she was still herself but she somehow knew she was different. The added brightness and added lightness had in some way changed her.

Of course what she had failed to notice was that once she was this different state she had also started to rise. Until finally she neared the surface and noticed her own lightness reflected in the water around her. She came to the surface and took a deep breath and allowed the rays of the sun to warm her. 

She looked around her and could see many waves all with the same lightness and same brightness as her. She felt an acceptance from them that she had never felt before. An acceptance for who she was and not what she could or couldn’t do.

She stayed with the other waves for many moons. She did many things she’d never tried before. She especially enjoyed the rushing into caves and being dragged back out with the momentum of those around her. She even had time to perfect the tender holding of surfers as they danced within her very core.

After one particularly exciting day she started to feel different. She started to feel even brighter and even lighter. As if even the very binds that were holding every part of her together were being pulled gently apart. Having been in the deep, dark and cold place before she didn’t consider this scary and even felt some excitement about what was happening. And so she simply allowed the transformation to take place. Until it was as if she was everything and everywhere all at the same time. There was certainly more ease, even more light, and bright just wasn’t the word for it. She just was, and realised that she had always been all that there is - LOVE.

Postscript: a Landscaping Your Life website was launched in November 2015 - so for more on this effective process do please go and visit.

The earth cried

Story idea inspired by Visual Verse (1 picture, 1 hour and less than 500 words) and picture used is my collage card shown.

 

The poem "The Earth cried the day the mist set in" has now moved to my new website. 

The tortoise and the hare

This post has now moved to my new website.

"iPhone iphone in my hand who is the fairest in the land?"

A short story for anyone who has ever compared themselves with others and found themselves lacking!

“iPhone iPhone in my hand who is the fairest in the land” Eleanor said out loud hoping against all hope that the answer would be “Eleanor is the fairest in the land” and was therefore very disappointed when the answer was someone in Norway she’d never heard of.

Like a lot of people Eleanor had been delighted when a new iPhone application has been launched. It was a comparison application but instead of comparing prices it compared skills and attributes. Within a week she’d discovered that she didn’t have the thinnest ankles, the glossiest hair, the whitest teeth or the most perfect breasts. She’d also discovered that she wasn’t the best nonfiction writer, communication trainer, motivational speaker or career coach. With every question she asked she found out that someone else was better than her.

Her mood therefore took a huge turn for the worse and friends and family got very wary of speaking to her. Nothing they said seemed to make any difference. In fact it made matters worse because when they listed something they thought she excelled in – she just asked the iPhone and it gave her the name of someone else. To her every name was more evidence that she wasn’t good at anything even if she didn’t always agree with the answer the phone gave. To Eleanor there was a whole world out there better at everything than her with better skills, better minds and certainly better bodies.  Whenever she thought she might have found a question that would give her the answer she craved she was always disappointed – the best bathroom went to a couple in Hong Kong and even the cleanest small bedroom window facing west (when she’d started to clutch at straws) went to a man in Canada.

Why no one else deleted the application from her phone it’s not clear but they didn’t and so she was left to make that decision for herself. Yet the decision didn’t come very quickly and many tears were shed before one night she realised she didn’t need the application any longer because she knew the truth for herself.

It was whilst reading a discussion on Facebook that she first wondered if she’d got it all wrong. A friend - well more a friend of a friend of a friend she’d met thru Facebook - mentioned in a group that they believed it was our state of being that was important not all the constant doing and achieving. Coming from a very competitive family Eleanor found this hard to accept but nevertheless after weeks of being told she didn’t excel at anything by the iPhone she had started to think she must be doing something wrong. So she tentatively started to explore what a state of being might be about. As first she thought this might mean meditating or yoga but realised they were just something else for her to do. She then wondered whether a state of being was related to what was important to her. Having realised what was important wasn’t material possessions she started to consider her values such as honesty, integrity and passion.   

What was odd was that when she asked about any of these values the iPhone didn’t come up with an answer straight away. There was certainly a lag between asking the question and getting an answer. Another strange thing was she agreed with the answers given. Even more strange was what happened when friends asked the same question. They got different answers. Up to now the answers for all the questions asked had been the same whether she’d asked on her or her friends’ phones. The cleanest window really was always in Canada and the best motivational speaker really lived in Montreal. But the person who was most honest lived in Sydney, Machu Pichu, Rome or even London – it just depended whose phone they asked.

Which gave rise to a discussion about honesty and that’s when the fun really started because they couldn’t agree. Eleanor and her friends MSN’d back and forth:

Sharon: Honesty means keeping promises made, doing what you say you are going to do and telling the truth.

Jen: I agree that is means telling the truth Sharon but for me honesty means being true to yourself EVEN if it means breaking promises made to others.
Sharon: How’s that honest if you break a promise?
Jen: That IS the honesty bit – can you be true to yourself by being honest enough to say that a promise you made is no longer something that supports who you are today.
Sharon: Wow – that’s certainly honest.

Before the conversation got any deeper and wondering what she’d started Eleanor interjected:

Eleanor: You know what - I’ve just done a search on Google and most of the links seem to be about the lack of honesty rather than honesty.

Sharon: Yes it’s certainly easier to describe what dishonesty looks like. Just think how easy it is for the media to wind everyone up over one example of dishonesty for a celebrity and ignore the 100’s of examples of their honesty.
Eleanor: mmm that’s interesting - does someone have honesty until they prove otherwise or do we want them to prove they are first.
Sharon: I know I prefer to assume people are honest first even if I get disappointed when I find out otherwise.
Eleanor: and how do we identify who is the ‘most’ honest – surely that’s very difficult to achieve.
Sharon: and maintain too.
Jen: But the iPhone gave us answers - even if they were different.
Sharon: The application designers must have linked our profile data to the answers our phone gave or something. Otherwise how else did we get different answers?
Jen: You mean they somehow knew the different criteria we’d all use to define being honest?
Sharon: Wow that means they must have a very complex set of calculations for every value we could possibly ask about. 
Eleanor: Hang on a minute don’t we have the same problem for all the other answers we asked. How do we really define glossiness of hair, the most perfect breasts and even best consultant or trainer? Even if the iPhone application designers have determined a definitive answer isn’t the answer still in the eye of the beholder?  Let me just tweet something – I’ll be back.

@Elliestweets: “Who is the best trainer in the world” please RT

Eleanor’s  tweet was retweeted and over the next few minutes she got many replies. Whilst some did give the same answer many were unique even if there were a few that she didn’t quite get or understand and wondered if people were pulling her leg e.g. @Pinkies Pinky & Perky or @TVcritic EastEnders. She shared all the replies with Sharon and Eleanor.

Jen: It seems obvious now but people seem to be replying based on their experience and own preferences.

Eleanor: In which case I’m not sure I want to explore Pinkies’ experiences nor preferences :-)
Sharon: Yes of course - to understand an answer we really needed to understand what the person values in a trainer.
Eleanor: That makes sense – some may like someone who is enthusiastic and a great communicator.
Jen: I know my dad would want to know what qualifications they’ve got and their level of expertise on the subject.
Sharon: Mine would consider how inspiring or authentic they are.
Eleanor: But even if we agree on the criteria I wonder how easy is it to be the best inspiring trainer for something.
Sharon: What do you mean?
Eleanor: What’s the cost to the person associated with being the greatest inspirational trainer on a subject. How many books would they need to read, how much practicing would they need to do?
Sharon: I see what you mean. I suppose it would impact on other areas of their life too – how much time will they have to relax, laugh or spend time with those who are important to them.
Eleanor: Unless that’s what makes them the best?
Jen: I just think the pressure of trying to keep on being the best would be HUGE.
Sharon: I suppose even the person with glossiest hair would have to spend a lot of time in front of a mirror.
Jen: and hours agonising over what shampoo to use.
Eleanor: or even sleep in a hair net.
Jen: :-) and refuse to have sex in case it damaged their hair!!
Eleanor: As ever the one to lower the tone Jen - thanks!
Sharon: What about the effort to be the best trainer AND having the glossiest hair
Eleanor: :-)
Jen: Best trainer with glossiest hair might be an option.
Eleanor: :-)
Sharon: I’m not sure I want to be the best at anything now – perhaps it’s easier to aim to have glossy hair or to just be a good trainer. At least then I can have a life too.
Jen: or be a GREAT trainer Sharon?
Eleanor: Great or good - yes not to be the best trainer or have the glossiest hair.
Jen: I’m so glad we’ve got that sorted – have you seen the time - I’m off to watch Glee – night night.
Sharon: I forgot that was on – it starts in five minutes so that’s me off too – night
Eleanor: Night you two. See you at work tomorrow.

That night before she went to bed Eleanor realised she’d downloaded the iPhone application because she wanted to be told she was the best at something. Whilst she no longer cared if she had the glossiest hair nor the cleanest small bedroom window facing west she realised she had just one last question:

“iPhone iPhone in my hand who is the best at being me?” she typed.

“You are” read the iPhone.    

Eleanor smiled and realised that was all she needed to be and then pressed DELETE and the application was finally deleted from her iPhone never to return.