Influencing: let them get their own way

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I agree we're not influencing anyone if we don't get the outcome we want and just let them get what they want.

Here's the challenge though - most of us hate being told what to do and want to make our own minds up about something. (In the UK & US anyway ** ). Our stakeholders are no different. To get the outcome you believe to be right therefore you need the other person to agree with you, and to do that successfully how would it be if you let them make the recommendation as if it were their own. (Yesterday's blog explored the impact resistance can have on getting support for our strategies)

The challenge then becomes keeping our ego out of it. I remember a session I facilitated with a procurement team where we were discussing arrogance and self importance. It took some time for them to understand that their stance with their stakeholders might be seen as arrogant by those stakeholders and therefore might be getting in the way of them achieving their goals. (Standing in their stakeholders shoes was a very enlightening process for them and achieved long term benefit.)

And that's the key - if you're achieving your goals then you can continue to behave as you are because its working. The challenge is when you're not achieving your goals. Its important then to identify what changes are required in order to increase the likelihood of your objectives being achieved. (If you always do what you've always done etc...)

Of course we all like the praise of coming up with the idea in the first place, we want the pat on the back, we want to be seen to be proactively doing our job. Won't we though get all that by being part of the team that delivered the change? Won't your bosses know the journey you took your stakeholders on to deliver the change? 

If your intended outcome is the correct strategy for the organisation then why wouldn't your stakeholder agree. The problem is to take them on a journey to obtain that agreement it might take a little more time than just telling them what we're going to be doing. 

An additional benefit of our stakeholders coming on the journey with us is any errors in our assumptions and strategy can be ironed out before it's presented and agreed. If they're with us implementation will also be easier, and once they're managing it day to day they're more likely to want the strategy to succeed than find ways for it to fail. 

So next time you start to tell a stakeholder what the strategy or solution is you may want to think about how to get them to tell you what the strategy should be and, after dialogue, discussion and amendment, agree how you can implement it for them. (Although that process can take a number of weeks/months - so best get started) **

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out

NB: Do please remember influencing isn't about manipulation.

PS: As a response to this blog I've been asked whether I think procurement's attitude was really arrogance or simply insecurity driven by their need to be seen to be adding value.

Of course that's an option. Just not one I'd think of that quickly because no matter how much I try my preferences will sneak out in this blog (more of this tomorrow in a blog entitled 'we treat people as we wish to be treated').

That is I'm motivated by affiliation so any behaviour that gets in the way of that I will judge more harshly than someone motivated say by achievement would. Just as someone motivated by achievement may judge my affiliative style as too weak! The key is whether the style we're using is working.

Just as Trust is in the eye of the beholder so too arrogance or any other judgement of someones behaviour. In the session with the procurement team they stood in the shoes of their stakeholder and realised they could be seen to be arrogant and that was getting in the way of them achieving their goal. They therefore, did as this series of blogs on influencing suggests and, put their own preferences to one side and considered how their stakeholder might wish to be communicated with.

* Cards shown are from Frameworks for Change Coaching Process I use in coaching and group facilitation sessions.

** The level of acceptance of requests, and reaction to being told what to do, differs around the world - someone from a different culture than UK/US may therefore prefer a more direct approach initially with a very heated debate thereafter on what the strategy should be! It certainly pays to do your home work on the preferences and culture of all involved (to calibrate them so to speak) and remember these blogs are based on generalisations. The more you know about a specific individual the better and more effective your strategy for influencing them can be.

Influencing: Resistance is futile

Just to recap - the Borg are a race whose strap line is "resistance is futile". A warning as they assimilate every other race they come across. Obviously Captains Piccard and Janeway give them a run for their money in Star Trek Next Generation and Voyager (sorry perhaps more detail than you want - my Trekky preferences allowing me to get carried away). 

The thing is resistance is futile only when you're up against the Borg. In all other instances resistance can be very very effective and if you're at the receiving end of it very frustrating and can certainly prohibit you from achieving your goals.

So how do you breakdown resistance or stop it forming in the first place?

I know some people have preferences for eliciting and then dealing with resistance - they like the battle. The problem with it as a strategy of influence is - its only going to work if the other person has similar preferences for sparring. If they're adverse to it then they might just shut down and be closed to any influence from then on in. Making you pay the price later if you do start dialogue with them again.

I remember one example when working with another trainer. We had very different preferences with respect to sparring. If someone answered a question we had two different types of response:

• Their response was "no that's not right" and then went on to identify all the things that were wrong in what they'd said. Then they provided the correct answer.
• My response was "yes that's right" and then went on to expand their response to ensure they knew the correct answer.

On the whole if someone provides an answer and hears 'yes' they will keep their mind open to hear what you say next. Often if someone hears 'no' they don't always keep listening. No, especially said with a specific tone, can just mean the barriers go up and you've lost them. (That said I know the other trainer used this strategy to get debate going and in a training environment that's very helpful.)

Any influencing strategy must therefore on the whole aim at keep resistance down and communication open (unless as I said earlier you know they love to spar, or there are other reasons why resistance is helpful to you achieving your goal). Language used can help keep resistance at bay, so too can tone, so too looking for points of agreement before exploring points of difference (after all people like people who are like themselves). 

Yes points of difference do get a look in - they're just made to sound more like points of agreement and are not to be found at every turn. (Blog to follow).

Do you know whether you prefer to spar or not - what about your stakeholders - have you noticed how resistant they are - and is your strategy aligned with their preferences and aimed at reducing their resistance rather than simply breaking through it.

Alison Smith

Inspiring change inside and out

As ever if you're achieving the outcome you want then you do have the right strategy irrespective of the advice above (assuming you've not impacted future support for your strategies in the process anyway). The aim with all my blogs is to inspire change. That is if you're not getting the response you want what changes might you want to consider to facilitate that? The more knowledge you have about the person you're wishing to influence the more accurate your strategy can be. Self awareness is also very useful - after all it might just be one of your 'preferences' that prohibits your influencing being effective. Happy to help alison@thepurchasingcoach.co.uk + 44 7770 538159.

Trust is in the eye of the beholder

I remember having a conversation with a colleague 6 months after the Halifax merged with the Bank of Scotland.

"You meant everything you said when we merged" they said to me.

I was a little taken aback - of course I meant everything I said - why wouldn't I and, perhaps the biggest surprise for me at the time, why wouldn't they have believed me.

At some level their response says more about the culture they were in at the time than is does me. However it also demonstrates that trust takes time to build.

We might know ourselves to be trustworthy but how do we demonstrate it to those we work with and those we wish to influence - whether internally or externally.

In Stephen MR Covey's The speed of trust he believes 'self trust' is needed before we jump into trying to achieve 'relationship trust'. Which of course makes sense - we have to be credible before we can expect others to trust us.

Self Trust

Covey identifies 4 keys of credibility that can be categorised into credibility of Character and credibility of Competence.

Integrity

• Make and keep commitments to yourself
• Stand for something
• Be open

Intent

• Examine and refine your motives
• Declare your intent
• Choose abundance (perhaps more of this on a future blog)

Capabilities (Talents, Attitudes, Skills, Knowledge, Style)

• Run with your strengths
• Keep yourself relevant (perhaps something I could learn for my blogs :-))
• Know where you're going

Results (Track record) (one I consistently forget to convey to others - although I have updated my linkedin profile to try to address this :-))

• Take responsibility for results
• Expect to win
• Finish Strong

Relationship Trust

Covey identified 13 behaviours * needed to develop and maintain relationship trust. As you read through the list how many of these may be contributing to your lack of influence with those you're currently working with?

• Talk straight
• Demonstrate respect
• Create transparency
• Right wrongs
• Show loyalty
• Deliver results
• Get better
• Confront reality (wonder if you can do this too much - see latest rant on confronting unacceptable behaviour in business!)
• Clarify expectations
• Practise accountability (blog to follow on slopey shoulders)
• Listen first
• Keep commitments
• Extend Trust 

In those first 6 months of the Halifax/Bank of Scotland merger I certainly believe I demonstrated the 13 behaviours. I wonder however if I'd spent a little more time building and demonstrating my creditably earlier on if it would have been any easier?

Trust is often seen as something you either have or don't have and forget that it's in the eye of the beholder, and therefore more action is sometimes required to demonstrate our trustworthiness to others.

What about you - any ah-ha moments?

Alison Smith
Inspiring change inside and out and demonstrating trustworthiness in all that I do

* This has been a very academic (for me anyway) statement of Covey's model. Whilst this week's blogs will be expanding on the subtleties of influencing blog, in November I will bring alive the 13 behaviours mentioned above using good, and not so good, real life examples. Any contributions most welcome alison@thepurchasingcoach.co.uk