Miscommunication

You know that feeling when you think something should be easier than it is, and you're getting increasingly frustrated at what the other person is saying because it's still not making sense?

A bit like when you're trying to do one of the above puzzles, and you're just moving the tiles around in some random order, and getting nowhere.

I had 2 of those sorts of conversations this morning - one on the phone to the bank, and the other whilst tweeting back and forth with Tesco regarding my club card vouchers (mundane I know but a useful example as you'll find out)!

The common cause of this frustration was misunderstanding - on both sides. That is on both occasions both parties felt what they were saying was easy to understand, and therefore getting frustrated at the lack of understanding by the other person.

With Tesco it involved me having to go back to the beginning and confirm that when I used this URL, and pressed that button, this appeared and not what they were telling me. Of course when they had the missing piece of the jigsaw they then realised the cause of the misunderstanding, and could tell me what URL to use instead.

With the bank I'm not sure she ever understood why I wasn't following what she was saying. To her, with her knowledge and understanding what she was saying was common sense. I'm not sure therefore she understood why I was still having a problem. In this instance the missing pieces of information for me were:

1. My personal user account is linked to my business account - I can therefore use my personal account user name and password to access my business account! (who knew?)
2. My debit card can be used to authenticate my account on the card reader - ie I don't need a authentication card as I have used in the past - (how simple). 
3. The card reader provided for my old business account can be used for my new business account - perhaps a little more obvious once points 1 & 2 have been clarified.

Postscript upon trying this out: no that doesn't work, and my lack of understanding was because there was no logic, and no way on Earth the advice given was going to work, and yes an authentication card is required - which they will now send me!!! Not sure what language we were both talking but it certainly wasn't the same one!! I should trust my intuition more because I knew it wasn't right and kept checking, but that obviously simply got us into the realms of more miscommunication. 

I remember a colleague getting very frustrated with me that I wasn't agreeing with her about something. The more I didn't understand and agree with her the more frustrated she got. In the end I said to her:

"For you to be this angry and vocal about the situation I know you're right. However I don't yet know why you're right. That is there is a missing piece of knowledge or logic that you know that I don't - yet. Help me find the missing piece of information before we come to blows."

How often when we're disagreeing with someone do we assume it's a real disagreement rather than spend a little time to confirm we're talking the same language, and to find the common ground.

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Inspiring change inside and out

Are you suppliers without ego? Are you?

I wasn't able to get a ticket to see the Dalai Lama speak in Manchester this weekend but I did mange to watch the live webcast. I could blog about many aspects of what his Holiness had to say about non violence and dialogue in conflict situations. Yet it's the insights from watching his translator that I'd like to share with you today.

The Dalai Lama does have an excellent understanding of English but has a translator on hand on the stage. From observation it would seem this is done to assist with conveying the subtleties of what he's trying to say and checking understanding of questions asked.

As the translator stands only feet away, and at times interjects rephrasing something his holiness has just said, he's not invisible. Yet what I took away from him was his lack of EGO. I have no idea who he is, what his thoughts or beliefs are about what was being said. It seems clear to me that his intention is to simply be of service to help the Dalai Lama convey his message.

Without that ego he:

• already knew ahead of time the message being conveyed
• listened intently to what was being said
• only offered alternate words when he felt the underlying message might be missed otherwise
• faded into the background the rest of the time

With ego I'm sure we'd have had a much different experience.

Yes it's his job - but mine, yours and our suppliers jobs all require the same behaviours and yet often the ego and its need to be seen, heard and acknowledged gets in the way of service being delivered.

How will you aim to silence your ego today?

Alison Smith
The Purchasing Coach
Sowing the seeds of ego less service from suppliers  

Source of Dalai Lama Picture: dalailama.com via Alison on Pinterest